When emotions are high and your relationship is at stake, it's hard to know what's best to do.

I'm John Fuller in the studio with Greg and Aaron Smalley who lead

our marriage team and we're going to hear now from Tony Newhoff. She's worked as a divorce attorney and

her husband Carrie is a pastor. Now they've shared in previous episodes

about some of their own personal struggles and here they address the need for

couples to show each other forgiveness. Tony you stress the importance of forgiveness and marriage.

That sounds great, but you also stress justice.

That doesn't sound so great.

Hmm.

Yeah, that's a dichotomy really.

Uh oh, I don't want justice.

I want grace.

Oh, the, well, two things about that. One is the only true judge, the only just judge is God,

although we will try to assume that position. I think as spouses we make that mistake, and you and I have both done it. that

I think as spouses we make that mistake and you and I have both done it. But yes, the the pathway to

forgiveness though includes justice and I think we don't necessarily think

what does that look like that kind of justice and marital sparring I mean that

that can be very convoluted I think yeah we can talk about it in a couple of different ways.

So often a couple who is struggling or maybe they're in a divorce process. They want to use the justice system to

write the wrong so to speak or to prove that they were morally in the right,

especially if there's been something deeply hurtful, like an affair, for example. What my clients would find, though, is that the justice system, I believe it's the same in the US as it is in Canada, it's a no fault system.

And so looking to that system that is set up by our courts intended to keep people from living in poverty, basically,

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