And welcome back to WSHIT's evening news. It's news you can use before you snooze. I'm Karen Doubtree with today's headlines.

Controversy today in Crab Apple, as the newly unelected head of Doji, the Department of Gross Incompetence,

sent officials to the Department of Transportation to cut the power to all the traffic signals and remove all stop signs from the Crab Apple Main Street. Director Zanadu Susk told WSHIT in a statement

these moves were made in an effort to cripple the town's traffic and make parking lots more

accessible for his helicopter. One of the officials charged with the responsibility of turning

off all the traffic

license removing the stop signs calling himself reaper the sleeper was targeted with negative

feedback and comments on his instagram page in a press conference earlier this afternoon

he had this to say good morning everybody hello this is re Reaper and I am back with another announcement.

All right, all you bitches, all you females, all you women, if you are coming to our page,

go fuck yourself because I am not leaving my video games for no bitch. I'm sorry. Video games are

my priority. Women are nothing but total disgrace to this fucking

society. I'm sorry, but you girls are not of interest to me. I don't know how many times

I can say that without actually going blue in the face, but I'm being factual. So please,

find another man to bother. Please go fuck yourself. Video games for life.

Beeper then went on to add that while he understands

the anger around the decisions being made, part of his compensation package includes being in a room

with a real-life female and the ability to access an AI sex robot whenever he wanted. But he assured

grab appellants that all of the stop signs are safely tucked away in his mom's

basement. And now with the check of traffic, everything's a mess and the whole town's falling

apart. We'll be back after this commercial break.

On this episode of the commercial break

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