There certainly is a connection between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy in the marriage.

And we're going to be talking about that today.

I'm John Fuller joined by Dr. Greg Smalley and his wife Erin.

They lead the Focus Marriage Team and Greg,

outside the bedroom exchanges can affect what happens inside the bedroom if I can put it that way

the question is why why do emotional outbursts or conflicts affect what happens in the physical relationship.

Yeah, especially, John, when those exchanges feel real critical.

In other words, when Aaron and I one time did this huge survey at our live marriage events and we asked

over a thousand couples, what happens that causes you to feel unsafe in your marriage?

The absolute, by a huge margin number one response was when I

feel criticized by my spouse. And so think about that. If I'm constantly feeling criticized just harshly critiqued

nothing that I seem to ever do is good enough or or the right way to do it in if in Aaron doesn't do this but if she's constantly

criticizing me that feels so unsafe when we feel unsafe we shut down so

emotionally our hearts in many ways shuts down and then we

disconnect from that person. Compare that to the deepest longing that we have as individuals is to be fully

known to be fully seen by our spouse so within marriage we we want to be deeply

known and if I'm always thinking that Aaron is coming at me with a critical spirit or always saying these harsh things about me I'm never doing anything right

Then I'm not going to ever feel fully known.

I'm going to put up walls and thus we're never going to experience

you know that sort of emotional intimacy which is going to then

ultimately impact you know physically if I don't feel safe emotion with

Aaron I'm probably not gonna want to draw close to her physically and that's why

...