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Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Fixing vs. Feeling: How to Get on the Same Team with Elizabeth Ferreira

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.82.7K Ratings

🗓️ 2 February 2026

⏱️ 60 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Forrest and somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement and empathy before solutions). They talk about where these patterns come from, how each functions as a psychological defense, and the role of gender socialization, identity, and adaptation. The conversation also touches on trauma, nervous-system activation, and why building safety usually comes before real change. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:40: “Fixing” vs. “feeling,” and why both can be protective strategies. 6:03: Socialization and learned coping styles. 9:12: Why conflict happens 14:28: Attunement, then problem-solving. 18:35: How discomfort with emotion shapes communication 30:48: What change looks like in practice. 33:49: Trauma and nervous-system activation 42:32: Helping logical-first people open up emotionally. 46:49: “Do you want empathy or solutions?” 49:03: Teaser about Complex PTSD in relationships. 52:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Grab Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% OFF online with my code BEINGWELL at huel.com/beingwell. New customers only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Over 100,000 people have given their Caraway Kitchen products a 5 star rating, and Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason. Visit Carawayhome.com/BEINGWELL or use code BEINGWELL at checkout. Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello and welcome to being well. I'm Forrest Hanson. If you're new to the podcast, thanks for listening today. And if you've listened before, welcome back. Today I'm here with a very special guest. Back by popular demand, I asked the people on YouTube who they wanted to see more of

0:21.6

this year. And they all said this person, uh, associate therapist and very importantly, my

0:27.4

fiance, Elizabeth Ferreira. So Elizabeth, how are you doing? Wow, what a, what an introduction.

0:33.7

I had to roll out the red carpet for you. I mean, you really, I really, you're a podcast celebrity. I know, you're who the people live. You know, they come for, for me and Rick, they stay for you. We're really flying by the scene of our fans today. I'm feeling loose, I guess. So today we wanted to talk about something that came out of conversations that we've just been having with each other. Our kitchen conversations. Our kitchen conversations about work that we're doing with clients. I do a little bit of coaching work. Elizabeth does a lot of therapy work with people. And some of the themes that we were finding in that also reflected our personal experience. And some of the stuff that we've bumped into as a couple in addition to

1:11.2

people who kind of work in the world of mental health. And so we thought we would kind of bundle

1:14.6

all of that together and have a bit of a conversation about it today. So I want to start with you,

1:19.7

actually. I want to, we're flipping roles a little bit. Fliping the script on me here. You know,

1:23.8

much to probably, you know, Rick, who saw this coming years ago.

1:28.8

Years ago. Finally, Forrest is coaching and sitting with people and having that experience.

1:34.1

Like, I think generally people kind of view you as this very logical, not so much a touchy-feely kind of guy, you know, very into...

1:43.3

Pretty rational.

1:44.6

Rational.

1:45.7

I like learning.

1:47.2

I like knowing things, stuff like that.

1:53.3

And it's been interesting watching you sit with other people that kind of identify in that way.

1:59.0

And kind of, I don't know, sometimes you have this joking, like, chagrin kind of energy to it, but coming out of your sessions being like, man,

2:02.4

I've just sort of turned into Mr. Rogers here.

2:05.4

It's so true.

2:06.3

I've become the warm and fuzzy, very humanistic type person.

2:11.9

I think in part because the people who often seek me out to work with me see that more logical, rational, I can take this guy

2:19.2

seriously, it feels like he knows his stuff, aspect of who I am, which is true. I also have that

2:25.4

as a big part of my personality. But then what emerges in the work together is these are people

...

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