Fitting In vs. Belonging: What Enneagram Nines (and the Rest of Us) Get Wrong About Connection, with Brian Boecker
Typology
Ian Morgan Cron
4.7 • 3.2K Ratings
🗓️ 7 May 2026
⏱️ 48 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Every once in a while, a conversation comes along that makes you pull out your earbuds and stare into the middle distance. This is one of those.
My guest today didn't come to promote a book or launch a course. He's here because he's a good friend with hard-won wisdom — and the rare ability to articulate what's actually going on inside. Meet Brian Boecker, therapist at Restoring the Soul in Denver, Colorado, and an Enneagram Nine who has spent years doing the slow, unglamorous, profoundly important work of finding himself.
We go deep on what it really means to belong versus simply fit in, why desire is so terrifying to name out loud, and how anger — when you stop running from it — turns out to be something closer to a life force than a liability. Brian is disarmingly honest about the ways he's learned to disappear, the slow work of becoming solid, and what it looks like to finally walk through the door you've been standing in front of your whole life.
Whether you're a Nine or you love one, this conversation will give you a richer, more compassionate picture of what's actually going on beneath that calm surface.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey folks and welcome to Typology, the show on which we explore the mystery of the human personality and the great human adventure all through the lens of the Enneagram. |
| 0:12.9 | My name is Anthony Skinner, your producer and co-host. So happy to have you here today, folks. |
| 0:18.0 | We got a great show for you. We have Brian Becker on board. He's an |
| 0:22.8 | Enneagram 9 licensed professional counselor. Brian is a certified clinical trauma professional. He practices |
| 0:30.2 | EMDR and internal family systems. He works at Restoring the Soul, which is an amazing Colorado-based ministry that offers intensive counseling, including one and two-week intensives. |
| 0:42.4 | And they're designed for individuals and couples seeking deep emotional and spiritual healing. |
| 0:47.7 | It's a great place to go to, folks. |
| 0:50.7 | And we're super happy that Brian is with us. |
| 0:53.5 | He's an Enegram 9, as I said earlier, |
| 0:56.0 | and we talk sort of all things Enegram 9, how the Enegram 9 can tend to disappear, |
| 1:02.9 | how to find your anger, what that journey looks like. Great conversation today with Brian. Glad |
| 1:09.0 | you're here. That's it for me, Anthony. And without me further ado, |
| 1:13.0 | it's time for the man of the hour, Ian Kron. |
| 1:23.8 | Hey, typology, friends. Every now and and then I get a special treat. |
| 1:29.4 | You know, oftentimes the guests that we have on the show are people who've just written books or starred in movies or dropped a new record or are doing, are out in the podcast space with, you know, a message that is around a product of some kind. |
| 1:48.7 | And today, I have on somebody who's here simply because he's a good friend. |
| 1:56.6 | And he's a good friend with a lot of great wisdom. |
| 2:00.3 | Please welcome Brian Becker, Enneagram 9, therapist at Restoring the Soul in Denver, Colorado, and my friend, and soon to be Pilgrimage Pal, since we're walking in the steps of. columba in Scotland in just about eight weeks |
| 2:20.0 | time. Brian, welcome to the show. Thanks, Ann. It's really great to be here. So before we, |
| 2:26.7 | you know, get into the enneagram or, you know, adjacent topics, just tell folks who you are. |
| 2:33.5 | Like, where did you grow up? |
| 2:34.8 | What was your family like? |
... |
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