I went out into nature for the first time and I put on the internet that I found God because I didn't know what else to call it.

Even that word doesn't feel strong enough, but like that also has been a big spiritual thing.

I think this is what happens when you like finally, you're so wound for so long you finally can't hold it together you break open and then you're just like oh fuck and everything is like you're open to everything and everything comes flooding in.

You are listening to made of Human, also known as the Mole Pard, a podcast hosted by Sophie

Fagan, who is a Danish comedian.

Mole Pah, trying to find out how to do life

But it turns out nobody Nobody knows.

Mopo.

Hello.

Hello. I just had a moment before I said hello where I felt very anxious about how to say hello and within a split second I'd convinced myself that there would be people listening and then the second they had me say hello they'd go,

ugh what a bad podcast and they'd turn it off I'm being

honest about that just because my anxiety is officially through the roof I think is safe to say I I tried to go on vacation recently

I booked a an Airbnb it's just a few hours outside of London but it was meant to have like a pool and a hot tub.

Then turned out I hadn't read the small print, so the pool and the hot tub was shared with other people and nothing is as anxiety-inducing as other people.

And I realized on this holiday, which is the first I'd taken in a few years,

that I can't holiday. I can't because I basically

have suffer from extreme PTSD and that's in my head. So I'm not normally stressed, like my brain thinks I'm about to get like killed by a lion.

And if I'm in a cabin in the woods in a hot tub, my brain just thinks I'm going to be killed by a lion in a cabin in the woods in a hot tub.

So I was just like in this very expensive cabin, cottage, whatever it was, taking multiple baths a day because that was the closest thing I could get to a pool.

And I was just like, oh well, it's the same problem, isn't it? Like I'm still stressed because the stress has nothing to do with you know

having too much work to do it has all to do with my brain being broken and my amictala I think is the part that my lizard brain thinking we're constantly under attack

So that was a sort of a waste of money, but I I did get very clean from all the baths if that if that's a thing you know I got

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