Time for fan mail Friday where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right if you're new to the Art of Charm podcast

This isn't the best place to start most of our content is more in depth and longer format so check out the best of at the Art of Charm.com slash best or the fundamentals toolbox at the Art of Charm.com slash toolbox that's where we've got the fundamentals of body language non verbal communication attraction negotiation networking and everything else we teach here at the Art of Charm today

I thought it would be interesting to have Kim Celter our resident female coach at the Art of Charm handle this fan mail Friday because we get a lot of questions that I end up forwarding to her and often we would splice it in or she would help me formulate the answer but honestly we've gotten so many recently that I thought it would make sense just to have her do a batch so I'm going to let Kim handle fan mail Friday so Jason take it away and enjoy your time with Kim. Hi Jordan. I really enjoy your podcast and your willingness to answer fan mail on Fridays. Here's my question. I have Tourette syndrome.

No, I do not blurred out curse words as is often stereotyped with Tourette's but I do have involuntarily seemingly random twitches and vocal ticks. Well, I have many good friends who have learned to overlook my strange tics. It is often difficult to establish new relationships as acquaintances immediately notice my odd body motions and sounds and interpret them as signs of mental illness or worse. This is especially detrimental in business where I have to meet sales prospects to seller products. How do I become better at making good first impressions given my

condition introducing myself by saying hi my name is sunny and I have Tourette syndrome seems a bit abrupt and straight out of AA any advice you can give is most appreciated all the best sunny. Okay, I love this question because you know it reminds me of the old Scarlet letter you know you can walk around and have a Scarlet letter written on your forehead or on your t shirt and then you are going to bring attention to it so no

don't say hi my name is sunny and I have Tourette syndrome. The issue is here is this and this reminds me of a quick story around a client that I had who got in a bad car accident and he lost all mobility of his limbs and speech and he was kind of rehabbing himself back again.

And when he was at the point when he was working with me he had the same kind of confidence issue although he could talk he could walk he still had some odd movements to his hand and so he had it in his head so much that people were looking at him odd that people did think he was odd.

So this has to do with your own self perception and we all have it you know I come from divorce other people may have a handicap there and we all have handicaps inside and out but if we wear it on our forehead or on our sleeve so to speak then people will react to that it's all how you own it so my advice to this guy is to take a look in the mirror and look at all the great things.

About you that you are rather than focusing on you know what you're not or what other people think of you it's no different than anybody getting in their heads about what other people think and the more you own it and you are confident with who you are people are going to like you no matter what.

Hello AOC I really need some advice I'm a 20 year old junior in college and I think I might be in over my head my girlfriend and I have been dating for just over four months and we are long distance living two hours away I've grown to have feelings for another girl here and while I haven't cheated I feel it isn't fair to my girlfriend my question is how do I break up with a girl that has mental health issues and trust issues she has legit mental health issues that she sees a doctor for and has been an abusive relationships how do I break up with her without making her worse off mentally and keep up with her.

She wants to marry me and I'm nowhere near close to being ready for that she says I'm the only man she trusts so I don't know of being completely upfront is the best option she also threatened to kill herself the last time I almost broke up with her before we figured everything out I've listened to the break up episode and I know it's getting towards the holiday I can't wait till they pass but I know the time is very important keep up the great work on the podcast I hope to be a bootcamp when I have some real money sincerely young and stupid.

Oh you are not young and stupid I actually we've all been there done that these are you know very to molterous relationships and it can be really really hard on the person on the other end such as yourself I just want to commend this guy for actually even thinking about her thoughts her feelings and the result of what she might do because you know it says to me he's a caring guy so like actually take that in and pet yourself on the back because there's a lot of people who are not going to be able to do it.

I don't know if you wouldn't care but the more important thing about this the first thing that I would ask you and also to think about is I don't know if you're in contact with any of her therapist that she is using or support system because yes you will need that but it's not going to be you you cannot act as her therapist you cannot act as you know her support system once you break it off with her nor are you responsible for her behavior and I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do it.

I'm not going to be able to get into that behavior and since this is a pattern with her she is using this almost what I call emotional blackmail to keep you in it.

And this is her pattern and this is her history so since you're a caretaker as it sounds the only way that you're going to hear this this if you really care about her you will cut it off so that she can learn how to be on her own without you because she's going to keep re creating this and if she learns how to be okay.

learns how to be okay on her own without you, you're actually doing her good.

I'm reaching out to you to try and gain some perspective on a uniquely difficult situation

I'm dealing with right now in my personal life.

Before I get into the details, here's a brief background to help set the stage.

I'm 28 years old, born and raised in Laguna Beach.

My parents have been married 35 years and still live there.

I went to undergrad in Seattle where I met my now wife Ashley.

...