Fan Mail Friday #35 | Just Say No to Drug Myths

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Business, Health & Fitness, Education

4.7 • 11K Ratings

🗓️ 6 November 2015

⏱️ 13 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Welcome to Fan Mail Friday #35! No jibber-jabber, just a short show where we answer Art of Charm listener mail and give out mini-lessons for the weekend! In this episode: What is the function of self-deprecation when striking up a new acquaintance, and how can you make people comfortable enough that they don't put themselves down while still valuing yourself enough not to do it, too? It's great that you're making positive strides toward changing your own life for the better, but how can you draw out your recluse friend and share the good vibes, man? When you have a great relationship with a significant other, it would be a bonus if your mother approved -- but it's ultimately not a necessity. (And if your relationship with your mother is also great, then she'll understand this -- even grudgingly). You could always answer your boss' awkward laughter with, "I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh?" When the other person in a relationship says that they need "time," should you wait for them or move on? Laying out the harsh realities and consequences of drugs instead of perpetuating myths about them will be more effective (and earn you more respect as a parent) than telling your kids to "just say 'no.'" Ever feel that you’re not sitting in the driver's seat of your own life? Here's a short video about the roles we fall into. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-35-just-say-no-to-drug-myths/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Time for fan mail Friday where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help kick the weekend off right if you're new to the Art of Charm podcast
0:08.1	This isn't a great place to start most of our content here is more in-depth and longer format
0:13.2	So check out the best of at the Art of Charm.com slash best or the fundamentals toolbox at the Art of Charm.com slash toolbox
0:21.0	That's where we've got fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication attraction negotiation networking and everything else
0:27.9	We teach here at the Art of Charm. All right, let's cut to it. I was listening to Dr. Aziz's calm confidence bonus episode where he's talking about being vulnerable with the people in your life that matter
0:38.7	So they know where you're really at emotionally. I've noticed a related but negative tendency among myself and mostly new acquaintances
0:46.9	Will be in conversation
0:48.4	Everything is going great and then one of us will just put ourselves down or reveal a negative trait that really feels like it's framed to be a deal breaker
0:56.3	I know this is called putting yourself down, but what's the function of it to fake being humble like bragging is faking confidence
1:03.3	It feels very compulsory in low value when I do it
1:06.9	My thought on its origin is that whatever the person reveals is such a fresh and open insecurity that they can't possibly continue the socialization
1:15.2	Without the instant gratification that the other person accepts this flaw
1:19.0	It can be played off as being vulnerable and brave, but I don't think it's in that camp. It feels more like forced intimacy
1:26.0	Is this an early 20s thing?
1:27.9	Maybe more feminine is it universal and symptomatic of an all-around negative person?
1:32.9	How can I make people comfortable enough that they don't put themselves down while still valuing myself enough not to do it too?
1:39.5	Great question the function of self-deprecation is often to help you be more relatable to other people
1:45.4	And so you don't seem as braggie or maybe arrogant or as a high social status as maybe you feel like you're being
1:51.6	It can also be kind of a fain for sympathy and can be a sign of low self-esteem
1:57.3	The act matters less than the intent behind the act
2:01.1	So if it's happening during small talk
2:03.0	It's probably to aid relating to one another and women tend to do this more than men in common speech
	...

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