All right time for fan mail Fridays where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right if you're new to the art of charm podcast. This is not the best place to start most of our content is much more in depth and longer format so check out the best of at the art of charm dot com slash best or the fundamentals toolbox at the art of charm dot com slash toolbox.

That's where we've got the fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication attraction negotiation networking and everything else we teach here at the art of charm.

All right let's cut to it this time Jason you're going to read me the questions and I'm going to do the answers.

All right first question of the day comes from Creech hi Jordan normally I'm a pretty confident guy but I've been losing my hair for a little while and it's getting to the point where it's pretty obvious I'm receding etc.

It has done a number on my confidence especially when it comes to approaching women day or night I can't help but feel like they have no interest in me because of my hair loss was wondering if you had some words of wisdom or advice that would help me through this thanks man.

Yep sure thing Creech definitely losing your hair can feel like you're losing a part of your identity especially if you are really confident before about your hair you had cool hair something like that but I'll ask you there's a lot of things going on here just sort of in your head and with confidence but have you considered shaving it all off I mean first of all if you're starting to lose your hair.

At process is not going to reverse itself there are all those drugs and stupid things that are out there are terrible for you so you're not going to be able to hide it forever and you're going to worry about it all the time.

So my recommendation is shave it get rid of it completely and own the new look some people won't like it that's their problems there issue own the new look especially if you're a little bit dark I see his profile picture here in the email a little bit darker skin you can get away with it it's not going to look like one of those pasty guys like me with a little bit of stubble on their head so you won't even have to shave it shave it probably every day if you own that new look it's less maintenance a lot of women are really going to dig it and it'll bring you new found confidence I have that for sure so let me know how that's going to be.

That goes I know shaving your head can be a big step but I think it'll actually be pretty fun once you get down to it Melanie writes should I let my son become an entrepreneur.

Yeah this is interesting because Melanie's background here is that the kids and just graduating college she's an entrepreneur and you know the kid wants to become an entrepreneur and we just talk to Gary Vaynerchuk about this so that's going to be in a show coming out later this month but I'll say this now is the time to take on risk.

He's never going to have less responsibility and less to lose than he is right now once he starts getting a family wife kids people counting on him that's going to be much harder to start off new your own thing and also yes he's got student loans but that stuff's really not that risky you know you can make them in the payments you'll be fine the interest rates are pretty low and skills come from work and I think her real calm here is that she's worried that he's not going to have any quote unquote work experience but skills come from work not just from work.

Working for a company especially not for a big company where they're just going to sort of let you check for commas and documents or give you some sort of mediocre low level training for the first couple of years and you know this isn't the same as it was for you Melanie as a parent when you were growing up you know your your path and I know she gave a little bit of background here that will spare you her path was grow up get a job stick with that job for 25 30 years and retire things are a lot different now things are totally different you're bouncing from job to job.

You're getting more experience the experience you get from starting your own business even if it fails is going to be much greater than somebody getting another couple of years of very low level entry level experience at a big organization so those factors all put together I say let the kid do what he wants to do let him fail a couple of years or who knows maybe succeed greatly but either way is going to get a better experience that he would be an entry level employee a big corporation.

Jerry writes this stuff is manipulative I shouldn't have to pretend to be something I'm not or learn special skills to get people to like me I don't like the idea of becoming someone else yeah I definitely understand that and we've talked about this a lot on the show before we talk about the subtractive process where we're not layering onto your personality but we're getting rid of a lot of the insecurities that are turning people away from you but I'll tell you right now the reason people learn things like social dynamics and networking skills and charisma

and personal magnetism it's very similar to the reason that people learn martial arts and you might learn martial arts for exercise or you might learn it to hurt other people you might learn it to defend yourself except for when you're learning social dynamics it's less obvious than getting beat up or being on a shape people think the world is unkind to you if you don't have these skills and instead of doing something about it you just ignore the problem and I'm sure that Jerry is one of these guys who's like well you know I don't get what I want out of life but people should accept me for the first time I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.

I'm sure who I am it's kind of like it's kind of like saying well you know I'm overweight but I shouldn't be I shouldn't have to exercise just to be in great shape nobody would ever say that but when it comes to social skills and things like that we tend to ignore the problem so if you're overweight and you wanted to solve it you'd be working out and not looking down on other people like Jerry is doing here for doing the same thing so I'd say take a good cold hard look at the skills you don't want to have to learn and ask yourself why is it because the challenge seems too daunting is it because I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.

You think that this is going to entail becoming someone you're not and you're really attached to your current identity or your current behaviors even though they're not really working for you.

I think once you start to ask the questions like that you might have a little bit of a different perspective.

Hiroshi writes how do I get my English good enough to handle an interview I'm learning a lot from you in your show and even starting to talk like you Jordan I'm still not sure it's enough to get through a job interview.

Yeah this would be really funny I want to meet a Japanese guy who talks like me but you're right it's probably not enough to get through a job interview and I would definitely not pick me as the person that you want to emulate to get through a job interview considering I have had like one real job my whole life and I got it really easily because the market was hot.

Anyway this is a technique known as shadowing that by speaking with language teachers overseas while immersing myself in a foreign language which by the way is the best way hands down to get better language I still find this tremendously helpful for short term oral fluency improvement watch your favorite English language TV show or a movie.

And as the characters are speaking repeat very loudly the exact words that they are saying the moment you hear them.

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