Welcome to the Art of Charm. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. I'm here with producer Jason DeFilippo.

Here at the Art of Charm we may not have all the answers, but we certainly have some of the questions of course today on Fammel Friday.

Those questions come from you. That's the whole idea here. If you're new to the Art of Charm podcast, Fammel Friday, I would say you can listen, but it's not my favorite place for you to start.

Most of our content is more in-depth, longer format. There's interviews with people you've heard of.

There's also some toolbox episodes where we teach a lot of fundamentals, body language, charismatic, nonverbal communication, the science of attraction, negotiation techniques, networking, influence, persuasion, everything else we teach here at the Art of Charm.

I'll send that to your inbox if you text the word charmed, CHAR, MED, to 3-3-4-4-4, that's here in the States here. Anywhere else just go to theartofcharm.com.

You can also find the toolbox on the web at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox and the best of at theartocharm.com slash best. All right, let's go to it.

Hey Jordan, you're good at reading people, not only in person, but by what they write. How can you tell in letters when someone has low social intelligence or EQ and read between the lines as to what they might be doing in a given situation?

Rock on, Alex.

All right, I will rock on, but this is a great meta question. Here's some of the ways that we read between the lines. I really do like this question very thoughtful.

A lot of people who don't know what they're looking for or don't know how to solve a problem, they make bad conclusions. They say things like, well, she did this thing, so it probably means that, or she's probably doing this.

It probably means that when this happens, or even something really overly simple, for example, guys, especially who say things like, well, I don't need this episode or that episode or the bootcamp, because I'm already really good at talking to people.

My experience says that whenever someone thinks they're already good at something that has continually expanding returns like soft skills, they actually have an EQ or social intelligence oftentimes so low that they don't understand the value of continued education.

In other words, it's kind of like saying, well, I don't need to go to the gym because I'm already in shape or I don't need a trainer because I've been lifting weights once a week since high school and there's nothing for me to learn.

This type of fixed mindset, and by the way, when I say fixed mindset, I'm talking about Carol Dwack her book mindset, we had her on the show as well earlier.

That type of fixed mindset is usually the beginning indication that there are some problems elsewhere that stem from other fixed mindsets.

So I start to look for those in the letters that come in and whether smoke, there's often fire.

And also, I've been reading emails about this stuff, me and Jason both have, and being asked for advice for well over a decade here.

And this all started happening even before we started the show, and we just had our 10-year anniversary.

So people men asking me for advice via email and in person for that matter for a long time.

And it's always about reading between the lines because if people could articulate their problem really, really, really well, often they have at least an indication of the solution, but here's the problem.

Even people who think they can articulate their problems really, really, really well are often articulating something that is not the actual root cause of the issue.

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