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Disordered: Anxiety Help

Failing and Bailing on Anxiety Exposures? (Episode 149)

Disordered: Anxiety Help

Josh Fletcher and Drew Linsalata

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.9665 Ratings

🗓️ 27 March 2026

⏱️ 36 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Want to talk about what you hear on this episode? Join us in the Disordered community space:

https://disordered.fm/community

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In this episode, Josh and Drew tackle a common hurdle in anxiety recovery: what happens when an exposure feels like a "failure" or when you choose to "bail."

An exposure is the deliberate act of evoking an anxious response. It is a way to rewire the brain by intentionally lighting up the threat response and practicing response prevention. The goal is to teach your brain that you are safe even when you feel scared, rather than trying to force yourself to feel calm.

Many people believe that feeling high levels of anxiety during an exposure means they have failed. This is a misconception. The exposure is designed to make you feel anxious; therefore, feeling those symptoms is exactly what is supposed to happen.

"Failure" is often a label generated by your Inner Critic based on perfectionist expectations. True growth comes from being willing to experience the discomfort, even if the execution feels "messy".

Bailing occurs when the discomfort becomes overwhelming and you choose to retreat. While this can feel like a setback, it is often a signal that you need more self-compassion. We discuss the "punch in the face" moment. That's the the point where the plan goes out the window because the physical sensations or intrusive thoughts become intense.

  • The "Bad Day Playbook": Don't try to make it up on the fly when you're panicked. Have a pre-planned set of actions to take if an exposure doesn't go as intended.

  • Avoid "White-Knuckling": Simply "pushing through" while counting down the seconds to escape is not the same as a willing exposure.

  • The Goal is Willingness: Recovery is about changing your relationship with the anxiety, not eliminating the feeling. Even an "unplanned" exposure—like a sudden intrusive thought or a physical symptom—is an opportunity to practice these principles.

  • Go Through the Peak: If possible, try not to leave the situation at the height of your distress. Leaving on the "back end" of the peak, on your own terms, provides the best learning opportunity for your brain.

We also share "Did It Anyway" stories from the community, including a powerful example of navigating health anxiety during a family party.

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Got a question or did it anyway to share? Send us an email or voicemail on our website.


Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

An exposure is when you deliberately evoke an anxious response.

0:06.0

You feel all the symptoms, the what if thoughts, the what if thoughts, the crazy symptoms, the sensations,

0:11.0

because that's how we rewire that. That's an anxious exposure.

0:14.0

I'm practicing being triggered now and putting in the response prevention part of it.

0:19.0

People say, well, what do you do when you fail at an exposure or you bail out?

0:38.1

Define failing. If you go to do an exposure and you get really anxious in the exposure, that is not failing. That's what the exposure is for. But if, you know, you get overwhelmed, you're like, oh, no, I just can't do this. I'll go back and do it tomorrow. It's fine. Not the end of the world. What it does tell you is that you need to be compassionate.

0:39.6

Like, I'm doing it today.

0:38.1

This is the day that I tell anxiety to go to hell. are not the end of the world. What it does tell you is that you need to be compassionate.

0:39.6

It's like I'm doing it today.

0:43.5

This is the day that I tell anxiety you go to hell and then you get really scared in the moment and you might bail.

0:45.0

But okay, you at least changed your willingness.

0:47.7

Attitude shift is starting to happen, right?

0:52.8

Welcome to Disorder.

0:53.9

This is episode 149 of the podcast. We are talking about failing and bailing on exposures today. I am Drew Linsalada, one half of Disordered. I am a therapist that treats anxiety and anxiety disorders in New York, in the US of A, former sufferer of the things we talk about on this podcast, an author on the topic, psychoeducator, podcaster, clearly, because I'm here doing it. And yeah, we're going to talk about failing and bailing on exposures. It's a really good topic. And with me, as always is, I'm Joshua Fletcher, also known as Anxiety, Josh. I'm a psychotherapist based in Manchester and the UK, specializing in anxiety and anxiety disorders.

1:28.1

I'm a previous sufferer, author on the topic,

1:31.5

podcaster like this fella, and my hair looks horrendous today.

1:35.9

I'm really sorry.

1:36.8

No, you're looking good.

1:38.6

I'm going to the gym in a bit.

1:40.1

That's cool.

1:41.0

Nobody in the gym cares what your hair looks like.

1:42.5

It's totally fine.

...

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