I'm going to be able to be able to be able to be able to see it happen.

And one story that always kind of captures my imagination.

I'm in the street's lost culture.

And you're listening to Kearning cultures.

I first saw this essay when it was shared by authors Zahahahankyed on Twitter. I opened the link in a new tab and I read the first line and then I closed it.

Not because it wasn't interesting, but because I just couldn't do it.

I've been actively avoiding any news on Lebanon.

Since the explosion on August 4th, 2020, and the financial downfall of my country, I

traveled back to Beirut and moved all our stuff out of our home where we lives in for 20 years.

And while it's been a few years since I've left Lebanon for Los Angeles, I had hopes of one

day returning. And those hopes feel like they're gone. And I was, and I am bitter.

I'm resentful and angry,

and I'm riddled with guilt around my own privilege

of having the option to leave

and building a life outside of the country.

So when Zahra and so many others shared her essay,

all I could think of was, no. No, I'm not going to read

anything that risks opening the floodgates of my own emotions that I've been actively trying

to suppress for so many months. And then our managing producer, Alex A-Tac, who is just too well-read, read the essay, and suggested that we record it as an

episode. We've done this once before with Zahda for her book, Our Women on the Ground.

Listening to the episode, I'm grateful Alex suggested it. The thing is, some of us are bad with words. When the emotion is so

visceral, words can come out as too angry or too loud or too obnoxious or in my case when my emotions

...