This post is part of a series.

Join us for:

Part 1: I Think My Husband is Gaslighting Me
What does gaslighting look like?

How do successful, intelligent women end up in relationships with manipulative gaslighters?

How can victims begin to seek safety from gaslighters?

Dr. Robin Stern is back on The BTR.ORG Podcast answering these questions and more. Tune in to the podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
Let's Talk About Gaslighting
"I don't know if you're right or you're not right. But I know that I just can't be with you anymore."

- Dr. Robin Stern
Gaslighting is so difficult to identify that many victims don't even know that they're being abused.

For some victims, it's helpful to know that you don't have to be able to articulate what's happening - you just have to listen to your heart as you recognize that what's happening is not okay.

This podcast episode detail
BTR.ORG Is Here For You
At BTR, we know how painful it can be to live in the confusing world of grooming and gaslighting. At one moment, things may be crystal clear, and the next you may feel like you're living in a puddle of mud and confusion.

Consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today as you begin your journey to healing.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:01):
Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. Dr. Robin Stern and I had such a great time talking last week. She's from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. We ended last week talking about when abusers abuse by claiming they are being abused. When they abuse their victims by lying about their own feelings, manipulating them or telling some kind of sob story to make their victim seem like the perpetrator.

Dr. Robin Stern (02:04):
It's what you do about your feelings and with your feelings and in a relationship, how you bring your feelings in in those moments of co-regulating.
Abusers & Therapy
Anne (02:14):
There's a pitfall with abusers and therapy. The pitfall is that they know what the right answer is. They know that if they say they are being abused, then someone will be like, those are your feelings. I truly believe that a lot of the time they are lying because they know what they need to say to gain empathy or to gain validation. When the compulsive liar, when they tell you their quote unquote feelings, I'm not saying that we should discount people's feelings. That is not what I'm saying. But a known compulsive liar and a known abuser, knowing that they are going to lie about their own feelings in order to manipulate people.

Dr. Robin Stern (02:58):
Yes, very often. Absolutely.
"This is how they manipulate."
Anne (03:00):
For someone to say, I'm going to take this known manipulative person and this known compulsive liar and be like, oh, you're feeling sad? Okay. And not be like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. This is how they manipulate. So they might not be feeling sad at all. We don't actually know how they actually feel because they won't ever tell you.

Dr. Robin Stern (03:19):
And we don't know how other people feel. We can only know when they tell us. And if they lie to us as well as themselves, especially to us, there's no authentic communication. The goal is not to sit there and say, oh, so you're feeling abused or you're feeling sad. Let's talk more about that. So then what did you do? If somebody's telling you in a moment about an interaction, what was the interaction? What are the consequences with your wife when you feel that? Well, the consequence in this case was violence. And that's not okay. That's abuse.