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Absolutely Not

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

Absolutely Not

Dear Media

Callin, Humor, Aperol, Arts, Comedian, Entertainment, Advice, Personal572339, Funny, Instagram, Hotline, Female, Comedy, Heathermcmahon

4.913.6K Ratings

🗓️ 13 January 2021

⏱️ 55 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather spins her New Years Wheels straight to crazy town. She has no fucking idea what is happening in the world and is trying to give you sage advice even though her asshole is clenched tighter than a cocaine smuggler from the 80's. The vibe is tense but the jokes are flowing, we've got voicemails and more!

Go to www.blenderbombs.com and receive 20% off your order by using the code ABSOLUTELY.

Go check out www.usualwines.com and use my discount code “ABSOLUTELY” for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us!

Produced by Dear Media.

Transcript

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0:00.0

The following podcast is a deer media production.

0:02.8

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by usual wines.

0:06.4

Here's the deal.

0:07.3

Usual wines are wines for the modern drinker.

0:10.4

Okay, so let me paint the picture.

0:12.0

You're at home, you want to open a new bottle of wine,

0:14.5

but then you pour glass and a half, and then you realize,

0:17.5

okay, well now I've just wasted the rest of the bottle

0:20.0

because I'm not going to drink it the rest of the week

0:21.2

because I'm going to get shit done.

0:22.4

The cool thing about usual wines is each bottle is 6.3 ounces,

0:26.4

which is essentially like a heavy pour,

0:28.4

or about a glass and a half a wine.

0:30.2

So no more pouring wine down the sink

0:32.0

when you don't want to finish the bottle.

0:33.7

Because of the single-served format and bottle design,

0:36.5

usual wine is always fresh,

0:38.4

and no more that flat, bubbly, or still rosé.

0:40.9

Nothing is worse, so when I open a bottle of Prosecco

0:43.5

to make a spritz or something,

0:44.8

and then I'm not going to drink Prosecco the rest of the night,

0:47.3

and I've just wasted an entire bottle of bubbles.

...

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