Ever Got Sh*t-Faced on a Cruise?
Sober Awkward
Victoria Vanstone
4.8 • 533 Ratings
🗓️ 5 October 2025
⏱️ 41 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Let's dive into the world of cruises - (full disclaimer: neither Vic or Hamish have ever actually been on one!)
Today Vic and Hame explore the allure of cruise ships as “giant floating bars” or “Westfields on Water,” complete with endless buffets, towel animals, and drinks packages that basically dare you to drink your body weight in piña coladas before lunch. They chat about why they’ve always avoided this type of holiday, despite their extended families treating cruises like the holy grail of leisure.
But are things changing? With unlimited alcohol packages still the main selling point, they look at the dangers of all-you-can-drink culture at sea — from sunstroke + sangria chaos to the grim statistics on alcohol-related accidents. At the same time, they ask whether the tide (pun intended) might finally be turning. Could cruises actually become activity-laden, dream holidays for sober folk — with gyms, spas, shore excursions, and, dare we say, mocktail menus worth ordering from?
As ever, Vic and Hame bring honesty, humour, and a healthy dose of scepticism to the question: are cruises doomed to stay floating pubs, or can the sober awkward among us finally come aboard without dreading the drinks package sales pitch?
Enjoy!
💛 Resources & Links
📘 Victoria’s memoir – A Thousand Wasted Sundays
A brutally honest and hilarious look at motherhood, anxiety, and ditching the booze.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | The cattle's boiled, Vic. |
| 0:03.0 | Great, perfect timing. Just a dash of milk for me, please, mate. |
| 0:08.0 | Here you go. Should we get started then? |
| 0:16.0 | Have you ever woken up on a Sunday morning and said, I'm never drinking again, |
| 0:21.4 | and then found yourself waving 50 bucks at a barman by happy hour? |
| 0:25.1 | Are you wondering why everyone else can stop at one, |
| 0:27.8 | while you head to a dodgy after-party with a weird bloke called Disco Dave? |
| 0:31.6 | If so, it might be time to take a deeper look at your relationship with your reliable social crutch, alcohol. |
| 0:38.1 | On each episode, we'll investigate our own dysfunctional dealings with booze |
| 0:42.2 | and find out if it's possible to stop this deeply ingrained habit |
| 0:45.4 | before things get too messy. |
| 0:47.5 | Yep, we're going to open up a shame shed of humiliating drinking stories |
| 0:51.1 | to help you understand why waking up from a booze coma each weekend with a |
| 0:54.9 | kebab sticking out of your top pocket might actually be negatively impacting your health. |
| 0:59.9 | Hamish and I are here to delve into what it's like being sober, an unwanted warts and all look |
| 1:05.3 | into why giving up those cheeky pints or putting down those mummy wines will make you feel happier, |
| 1:12.0 | help your anxiety and mental health, and turn you into the most sparkly authentic version of you. |
| 1:16.5 | Won't that mean I become boring though, Vic? |
| 1:18.3 | Well, Hamish, we'll just have to wait and see. |
| 1:20.9 | I'm Victoria Vanstone. |
| 1:22.5 | I'm Hamish Adams Cairns. |
| 1:24.1 | And this is sober awkward. |
... |
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