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So tonight's talk is on a subject that no teacher in his right mind would ever attempt.

It is about strategies for connecting in a meaningful, authentic way with another human being and how that can be done in the

avoidant age of tender and bumble and okay cupid for much of the 20th century in fact I would say for the entirety of the 20th century

the way The way human beings connected was they would actually have to in some way, shape or form have to screw up the courage to in person actually ask someone out on a date. This will all sound very foreign to you. It was very vulnerable because if you would ask someone out, it activates some of the earliest emotional charged experience from childhood.

When someone would say yes, be interested, respond in any sense of a positive expression, it would

activate the feelings that go all the way back to infancy when our caregivers would give us delighted, attuned attention and

we feel special and loved.

And those and those emotions are essentially stored and activated and shaped in the first largely from six months to 24 months of life is the core attachment period.

At least according to the work of Schaefer, Maine, Bulby, Ainsworth, Fonegy,

sure, essentially all of the world's most right now respected psychologists in the field.

When we would get rejected, it would activate the emotional wounds that we first experienced during times of abandonment

or shaming or neglect or disappointment in family relations.

So it's very, when we're

asking someone out on a date and going on a date, it's a very vulnerable experience in that we really don't know exactly how we're being evaluated.

If you're in a job interview, you do have a sense. exactly how we're being evaluated.

If you're in a job interview, you do have a sense

that it might have something to do with your experience,

skills, at least hopefully it does.

...