How do you pass up the opportunity to spit blood in Joan Baez's face? Dude, I'm so funny I had murdered an Epiglottis.

Let's round him a faceless and get some pajamas.

Dude, I didn't know my head was a bank.

That's fucking awesome.

I want to eat so many ducy rolls.

I just shit a tire.

I jerked off with this towel so much.

It might be a surfboard.

Mr. Schmidt is an entertainer.

Not a cool.

Hey, what's happened?

I'm like a minute.

40-year-old boy podcast.

Let me ask you folks a question.

When you make food, if you cook some sort of food, if you cook some sort of sustenance,

if you have food that you enjoy and you eat part of it and you want to save the leftovers for another time. Do you save those leftovers for a year? Are you that kind of person? And if you are, would you then offer those leftovers you've saved for a year to a guest?

Because you're really concerned about someone else joining you in the afterlife for the dual

poisoning from frozen fruit being fucking unthawed? What the fuck, folks? You may have heard that in the

background. That's the chortling of a fearful Jesuit who just tried to kill me.

And that's not an exaggeration, folks.

That's an absolute truth.

That's a certainty.

...