How do you pass up the opportunity to spit blood in Joan Baez's face? Dude, I'm so funny I had murdered an Epiglottis.

Let's round him a faceless and get some pajamas.

Dude, I didn't know my head was a bank.

That's fucking awesome.

I want to eat so many ducy rolls.

I just shit a tire.

I jerked off with this towel so much, it might be a surfboard.

Mr. Schmidt is an entertainer.

Not a cool.

Hey, what's happened at Mike Schmidt, 40-year-old boy podcast, boy, boy, podcast.

I should just do that all show long.

40-old boy, boy, boy, boy.

Go ahead and sample that and put me into a rap, boy.

And hi, I'm the whitest man on earth.

Put me into a rap.

What the fuck was that?

Put me in the mix.

Of course you'd put me in the mix.

You wouldn't put me into a rap, would you?

Unless you would, unless there was somebody just dropping spitting fire, spitting fiery knowledge.

And in the background, just boy, boy, boy, podcast.

You know, that actually, that voice makes me think of my mom's favorite Muppet,

...