How do you pass up the opportunity to spit blood and Joan Baez's face?

I've read Mark Twain. I've read Huckleberry Finn. I think I earned the right to go out of the internet and see a guy get a chainsaw on the face. Dude, my dad was drunk and my mom was dealing with it. Guess what? I get raised by a lucky monster.

My con looks like it's been in a hockey fight. Time and stupidity. It's at the speed of goddamn light.

I got a bunch of the clocks.

Hey, what's happening?

Mike Schmidt, 40-year-old boy podcast.

How you doing there, podcast partners?

How you doing there, podcast compadres?

Podcast peccadillos.

Podcasts motherfuckers.

Yippie-Coye podcast motherfuckers.

What's happening, man?

You got your iPod vagina plugged in.

You got your earbuds jammed into your head, your skull, if you will.

Although that's probably wrong now.

See, this is this fucking show.

This show has aged out of its technology.

I mean, I've been doing this fucking forever.

And it used to be, you had to plug in your iPod vagina, and then you jam your earbuds into your ears, and now there's a wire involved, and everybody's got to do the limbo under it and shit

like that. But I'll tell you what, now, now, apparently, from what I hear from everybody,

everybody's using cans now, man. Everybody's using AirPods and wireless ear things. And so I'm not so sure if I can talk about iPod vaginas and jamming things in.

That doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean, I, I just ask, you know what? Eventually it's just

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