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The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Episode 74: What Dismantling White Supremacy Has To Do With Your Marriage

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Kate Anthony

Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Relationships, Education

4.4574 Ratings

🗓️ 3 June 2020

⏱️ 39 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

"If you think what's going on all across the U.S. doesn't have anything to do with what's going on inside your marriage, you're dead wrong." That's a line from one of my recent Instagram posts about this week's podcast topic.  

So what do racism and systemic racism (AKA white supremacy) have to do with your marriage, exactly?  The same systems that are oppressing and killing black men right now, this entire system of white male supremacy, is the exact same system that we are fighting against in dismantling the patriarchy. 

And that has everything to do with your marriage. In this episode, I explain how and why in detail. 

Here's the thing: I decided to just turn on the microphone and address these topics head-on. And as a white woman, with my own implicit biases and blind spots, I may have gotten things wrong. And that's ok. I'm willing to listen and learn and pivot.

I almost didn't release this episode because I was scared to get it "wrong." But then I realized that that very thought/feeling was part of my own white fragility. This fear is what silences so many white people, and it's our silence that has allowed this to go on for as long as it has.

White people need to speak up. We need to be willing to step in it, and when we get called out for getting something "wrong," we need to say, "Thank you. I hear you," to those who've taken the time to educate us.

We don't need to be defensive, or work overtime to prove that we're an "ally." An ally says "thank you," and digests what's been said by the very people we're purporting to support.

Bottom line: we need to pull this poisonous weed of white supremacy up at its root. Let's get to work.

Resources & Links:
Anti-racism resources

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

So I don't usually do an introduction to a solo episode because that's sort of redundant.

0:06.7

But I feel the need to do one for this episode.

0:11.5

I am touching on something pretty important.

0:17.5

And, you know, I've been toying with whether to release this episode at all.

0:26.0

And let me sort of explain to you what my entire thought process has been throughout this.

0:32.8

My process has been, I am a white woman and I consider myself an ally. And I think it's important for me to

0:39.9

stand up and speak up about things that are going on in the world today. I'm also aware of being a

0:49.0

white woman and not wanting to center a conversation around my white experience. And I've been going back and forth about

0:57.7

do I talk about this by myself or do I bring a black woman on to have this conversation,

1:02.8

which I do want to do in the future. As a white ally, I often struggle, and I think a lot of us do,

1:08.8

in this place between I want to speak up,

1:12.7

and I want to take the labor off of the backs of black women and people of color to

1:18.6

explain shit to other white people, right? And as a leader with a platform, it's important

1:26.3

for me to use my voice and use my platform to have really

1:30.0

hard and important conversations, such as conversations on matters of race and privilege.

1:36.6

And, you know, so there's that, right? It's like, I am a white person. It is my job as an ally

1:42.1

to have these fucking hard conversations as a white ally.

1:45.9

And then also, right, but am I in doing so, centering the conversation on me as opposed to

1:53.6

inviting a black person on to have this conversation.

1:57.6

But does that put the labor back on them?

2:00.2

Right.

2:02.8

So I think a lot of white people struggle with this. And here's what I think. Here's what I really think. As I've been toying with

...

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