**Trigger Warning: This episode talks about electroshock therapy and suicide. If you are suicidal, please call/text/chat 988** My friend Adam joins us to share his story of coming out in the early 90’s in a church where we generally believed that “something had gone wrong” with someone having same-sex attraction that could be identified and then ‘fixed” through conversation therapy and in the case of Adam (and others) electroshock therapy—and increased spiritual practices (prayer, fasting, church attendance). Adam shares his heart wrenching story of wanting to be a “good Mormon boy” and doing anything asked of him over a 5-year period to be straight and root out the “deviant nature” of his same-sex attraction. Adam takes us back to the 70s/80s/90s to what was being written in BYU publications and said by church leaders about homosexuals. Adam talks about how we "can’t heal without addressing the past”. Adam talks about his plans for suicide, delaying those plans for one day, and then leaving the Church for a more understanding/supportive environment. Adam talks about how his suicidal ideation ended in his new environment. Adam talks about finding his husband and their nearly 24 years together. Adam talks about how he “always had a testimony” and spiritual impressions to go back to church a few years ago (Adam is no longer a member). He talks about his loving/accepting Bishop and ward. He talks about how he loves his husband and the goodness of their marriage and also how the LDS church is his spiritual home. Adam (who spent two months writing his story for the podcast) gives us insights into the crushing pain/shame of conversation/electroshock therapy. I was brought to tears several times during the podcast. I was also brought to tears with Adam’s courage to walk back into an LDS chapel. I was deeply impressed with the delicate line Adam walked in the podcast of being true to his story/pain and also showing grace to church leaders/others. Adam's story brings helps us understand where we once were as a Church, the progress we have made, and help us all consider how to better love, validate, heal, and support our LGBTQ friends. It also helps us understand our past so we can talk about, learn, not make the same mistakes, and heal from our past. Thank you, Adam, for being alive, building a life with your husband, keeping God in your life, and sharing your story. Your story helps parents, allies, and local leaders—"when we know better, we do better” (Dr. Brene Brown). It also helps younger LGBTQ Latter-day Saints as they make their way forward. You are a good man. Honored to have you on the podcast. Links: scholarsarchive.byu.edu/irp/vol19/iss1/ archive.org/stream/McBrideThesisElectroshockTherapy/McBride%20thesis%20electroshock%20therapy_djvu.txt Richard Ostler books/bio/etc.: www.papaostler.com Facebook Group to support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143