Episode 703 - Shelter Food Fire
Hank Patterson's Outdoor MisAdventures
Travis Swartz
5.0 • 908 Ratings
🗓️ 19 February 2026
⏱️ 61 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Somewhere along the way, these episodes went off the rails. We're still not on 'em. On this episode Hank and Kevin chat about survival strategies and travel constipation. Enjoy!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Warm it up, warm it up. |
| 0:04.2 | Warm it up. |
| 0:05.0 | Warming up. |
| 0:05.3 | Bar-a-gada-gada-gada-gada-gada-gada-ha. |
| 0:06.8 | Hey. |
| 0:08.0 | We got to spend the last seven minutes watching your dog drag her ass across the carpet. |
| 0:13.9 | Yeah. |
| 0:14.7 | Yeah, she waited until you got here to just drag her ass across. |
| 0:18.2 | What I like about the fact that the dog is dragging her ass across my carpet is that she looks you right in the eye while she does it. Yeah. What are you going to do about it? Yeah. What are you going to do? Yeah. Got an itchy your butthole. I'll you going to do about. My butt hole it's, I'm going to drag it on your carpet. Huh? Hey, remember a few months ago when you paid 500 for me? Yeah. |
| 0:41.1 | Remember when you drop that 500? |
| 0:44.5 | I might go hop up on your bed and drag it across your pillow. |
| 0:45.6 | Love your new carpet. |
| 0:47.7 | Hey, I like your new carpet. |
| 0:49.7 | It's really hitting the spot. |
| 0:54.4 | She, like, it was almost like she was farming, right? |
| 0:57.8 | I mean, she went, she was making trenches. |
| 0:58.9 | Yeah, yeah, yeah. |
| 1:02.8 | I'm going to drag my ass from this end of the room to this end of the room. |
| 1:05.8 | I'm going to flip it around, drag it on back. |
| 1:08.6 | She covered basically the entire room. And now she's passed out where, you know, she's kind of, she finished up and passed out. |
| 1:13.8 | It's just like, oh, is this a cable for your microphone? |
| 1:17.7 | Here, here, let me run that through my butt hole, too. |
... |
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