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Make Some Noise with Andrea Owen

Episode 699: Decentering Men (and other people) Part 2: How to Stop Self-Abandoning & Practice Being Your Own Sun

Make Some Noise with Andrea Owen

Andrea Owen

Education, How To, Self-improvement

4.8516 Ratings

🗓️ 22 October 2025

⏱️ 42 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Welcome back to my 2-part podcast episode, where I’m talking about how to “de-center” men (or really anything or anyone we’ve made the “sun” in our lives). We named the pattern: what it looks like to center men and the emotional, relational, and cultural costs when we orbit someone else’s needs at the expense of our own. Today we move from insight to action (Yay!). This episode is about how to stop self-abandoning without burning your life down, and what decentering looks like in real, everyday practice. I’ll walk you through a clear framework you can try this week—tiny choices, boundary language, nervous-system support, and specific drills for dating, work, and long-term partnership. You’ll also hear a couple of personal moments that show how these tools play out when things get clear, messy, and very human. This is what you’ll hear in this episode: A short recap of Part 1: a plain-language definition of “centering men” and why the costs keep adding up over time. How to spot the pattern in real time using quick questions (“Am I doing this for their comfort? For avoiding conflict? To not inconvenience someone else?”) and a pause before reacting. Relational autonomy in action: the “Two-Yes Rule”, and speaking your “why” without over-explaining. Exiting self-silence with nervous-system help: a scheduled anger/venting that doesn’t bleed into your relationships. Reframing “being disliked for having needs” as data—not disaster. Decentering drills for real life: speaking first and reclaiming your voice at work, and self-regulation + clear timing in partnerships. Shifting the ecosystem: auditing your media, re-centering women in your inputs, etc. Decentering isn’t about rejecting or hating men; it’s about reclaiming yourself in a culture that has taught us that centering men will keep us safe and it’s the only option. My hope is that this episode gives you a practical path: notice the old bargain as it’s happening, choose one small values-aligned action, and let your nervous system catch up as you practice new boundaries. And please try the homework! Pick one domain where you tend to self-abandon, run a tiny experiment this week, and reflect on what your body and inner voice tell you. If this landed, share the episode and let me know what shifted for you!  Resources from this episode: Episode 697: De-Centering Men Part 1: What it means and what it costs us Download a Free Digital Version of my upcoming book, Live Like You Give a Damn Hop on my email list for updates on my books, programs, and more: andreaowen.com/free My Ketamine Therapy Journey secret podcast series Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!   MSN is supported by: We love the sponsors that make our show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: andreaowen.com/sponsors/ https://andreaowen.com/podcast/699 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

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like you sign up for your one dollar a month trial at shopify dot com slash setup de-centering men

0:30.8

isn't about rejecting men at all it's not about being mad at them it's not about hating them at all

0:37.0

i love men.

0:38.4

It's about claiming yourself.

0:40.7

That's it.

0:41.8

It's about claiming yourself in a system and a culture and a society that has taught us to not do that,

0:49.6

to not make ourselves the priority in our own lives to the point where we get to a place in our lives

0:56.7

where sometimes we look around and we're like, how did I get here to this place where I have

1:01.9

so much work to do and just making my life about me and not other people? It's learning how to

1:06.4

live slightly differently than what our current system taught us to do.

1:14.9

You're listening to Makes some Noise Podcast, episode number 699.

1:26.1

Welcome to Make Some Noise Podcast, your guide for strategies, tools, and insight to empower yourself.

1:33.7

I'm your host, Andrea Owen, global speaker, entrepreneur, life coach since 2007,

1:38.8

an author of three books that have been translated into 18 languages and are available in 22 countries.

1:46.1

Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a lesson that will help you maximize unshakable

1:50.8

confidence, master resilience, and make some noise in your life. You ready? Let's go.

2:00.1

Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am so glad that you are here.

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