Episode 61: Nobody is entitled to your forgiveness!

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Kate Anthony

Self-improvement, Education, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.4 • 574 Ratings

🗓️ 25 February 2020

⏱️ 23 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

This week I wanted to expand on a topic I discussed in my Facebook group and on an Instagram IGTV video. It's around the topic of forgiveness entitlement. In this episode, I also talk about addiction or abuse, and why you can't force someone to get help.

So, your spouse says they're doing the work and they seem to be doing all the right things. But you still can't trust them and they don't understand why. You wonder, "What's wrong with me?" There is NOTHING wrong with you. You've been betrayed and hurt, and you're not healed yet.

If your spouse is telling you that you need to get over it already, here's what I want to say to you: the only person who gets to say when they're ready to move forward is the person who has been the victim of the offending act — in this case, you.

When someone says they're doing all the work, remember that actions speak louder than words. And if they are truly doing the work, they're opening the door so that you can be okay, so you can heal and eventually, you can forgive. But, know this:

Nobody is entitled to your forgiveness.

Tune in to hear why this is so important for your healing, your journey, and your relationships (now or in the future).

Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:

The only time you should forgive someone.
Emotional abusers or active addicts know exactly what they are doing. YOU are the person who needs to understand the truth of what's going on.
The importance of not controlling the situation and allowing him or her to find their process to recovery.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go.
0:17.6	I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of the
0:23.5	roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. I've been to
0:29.1	hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side of this process
0:35.0	with your sanity and your heart intact.
0:39.3	Hey everyone. Welcome back. Thank you so much for being here. I got a lot to say today.
0:46.3	Let's post it on Instagram and that's an IGTV and I did a video in my group and I want to expand on this idea that I talked about in these videos about
0:57.3	no one being entitled to your forgiveness. And initially when I talked about it in the video,
1:04.7	I talked about it in terms of infidelity and healing from infidelity. And then I got all these messages and comments and
1:16.4	questions, be like, well, what about, does this account for alcohol abuse? Does this count for
1:23.4	mental illness? Does this count for? Yes, It counts for everything. No one is entitled to your
1:33.4	forgiveness. And so what do I mean by this? So I was talking about it in terms of affairs. So I'm going to,
1:38.6	I'm going to use infidelity as an example, but I want you to be able to hear it for literally anything else you can
1:49.6	think of. If you're, if you are literally at the end of this podcast, going to email me and be like,
1:54.6	what do you think should this apply to? Yes, it should. Here's what I hear a lot. I hear about infidelity that, you know, someone is
2:03.2	unfaithful. And, you know, I work with a lot of women. And so often it's their husbands that
2:10.4	have been unfaithful, although not always. And one of the things that I always say about
2:15.3	infidelity is that affairs don't occur in vacuums, right? So there is
2:21.3	something that is off in your relationship. So if you are the one to have been unfaithful,
2:28.2	then, you know, this just applies across the board. It doesn't really matter who was unfaithful.
2:34.9	I just usually hear it from the perspective of a woman who has, who has been cheated on.
2:40.9	If you are a man and has been cheated and has been cheated on, this applies to you too.
	...

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