Episode 60: Intimacy, Sex, and Divorce: The Naked Truth with Leslie Morgan Steiner
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 574 Ratings
🗓️ 18 February 2020
⏱️ 54 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This week we are talking all about sexuality and intimacy after divorce. My guest is Leslie Morgan Steiner, a New York Times best-selling author, columnist for The Washington Post, speaker on work/family balance, successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor.
Two truths can co-exist. You can be relieved your soon-to-be ex is moving out and grief-stricken at the same time. You can be happy and sad, at the same. This is part of the complexity of human emotions. There's nothing wrong with you for experiencing a wide range of them. There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody knows this better than Leslie.
Leslie's memoir, Crazy Love, is an account of her violently abusive first marriage. It's about this kind of complexity, how we can deeply love and deeply fear one person at the same time. Her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, explores these dualities as well as she writes about female sexuality, self-esteem, and dating after 50.
Show Highlights
- The power of sisterhood and how women are always an inspiration to other women (3:18)
- Coming out of a marriage desexualized and losing touch with your sexuality (6:00)
- Perfection has nothing to do with sexuality (12:00)
- Getting to a point where you can enjoy and love sex (15:00)
- The stigma and shame around having sex after divorce if the divorce has not been finalized (22:38)
- Women who are vulnerable to abusers, how to break the cycle; and Leslie shares her story of domestic abuse (28:14)
- Why learning how to trust yourself again rather than trusting others is paramount following an abusive relationship (33:23)
- Leslie drops this truth bomb: "I can't look for a man to heal me." (38:00)
- Men struggle with intimacy just as much as women do (39:00)
- Leslie shares her thoughts on coaxing a man to fall in love with you (42:00)
- The myth of Prince Charming is destructive to women and unfair to men too (49:09)
Learn More About Leslie:
Leslie Morgan Steiner is the author of four nonfiction books: the New York Times bestselling memoir Crazy Love; the critically acclaimed anthology Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy is Transforming the American Family; and her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem and dating after 50.
From 2006-2008 she wrote over 500 columns for the Washington Post's popular on-line work/family column, "On Balance." She currently writes the Two Cents on Modern Motherhood column for ModernMom.com and MommyTracked.com. Her writing has appeared in Glamour, Psychology Today, Redbook, The Washington Post, the New York Times and other publications.
Steiner holds a BA in English from Harvard College. Her first job was writing and editing for Seventeen Magazine. After graduating from Wharton in 1992 with an MBA in Marketing, she launched Splenda Brand Sweetener internationally for Johnson & Johnson. She returned to her hometown of Washington, DC in 2001 to become General Manager of the 1.1 million-circulation Washington Post Magazine, a position she held for five years.
Steiner is a regular guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, ABC, NBC, CBS, and cable news networks. She has appeared in Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Elle, Parents, Self, Vogue, Vanity Fair, The Los Angeles Times, and CNN.com. She is a frequent speaker and consultant on the subjects of marketing to moms and ending family violence. Her 2012 TEDTalk about domestic violence has been viewed by over five million people, and in 2014 she completed her second TEDTalk exploring the ethics of global surrogacy.
She serves as a board member for the One Love Foundation, in honor of slain University of Virginia senior Yeardley Love.
Leslie Morgan Steiner lives in Washington, DC, New York, and New Hampshire.
Resources & Links:
Leslie's website
Leslie on Facebook
Leslie on Instagram
Leslie on YouTube
Leslie on LinkedIn
Leslie on Twitter
Trauma Bonds: How to recognize them, break them, and co-parent through them
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 0:17.6 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some |
| 0:23.1 | of the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. I've been to |
| 0:29.1 | hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side of this process |
| 0:35.0 | with your sanity and your heart intact. Hey, everyone. So let's go to the other side of this process with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 0:39.6 | Hey everyone. |
| 0:41.2 | So last Friday was Valentine's Day. |
| 0:44.9 | And I honestly didn't do very much about it because I think it's a super ridiculous |
| 0:49.1 | Hallmark created holiday. |
| 0:51.3 | And also, I'm a super sappy romantic and the holiday usually leaves me feeling |
| 0:56.5 | really fucking miserable. This is a prime example of how two things can be true at once. |
| 1:04.4 | I can intellectually understand that this holiday is garbage while also feeling super sorry for |
| 1:09.3 | myself and bemoaning the fact that yet |
| 1:11.7 | another Valentine's Day has gone by without me having an actual fucking Valentine. |
| 1:18.0 | This is a lesson that I try to teach all the time in my work, right? This whole two seemingly |
| 1:25.4 | opposing things can coexist kind of thing. So over and over again, |
| 1:31.0 | women in my Facebook group will say, I was the one who wanted my marriage to end. But now that he's |
| 1:35.8 | moving out, why am I so sad? And my answer is always two things can coexist. And they usually do. |
| 1:43.4 | Two truths can be opposing and equally true at the same time. |
| 1:47.5 | You can be relieved and grief-stricken at the same time. You can be happy and sad at the same time. |
| 1:56.1 | This is part of the complexity of human emotions, and the saddest thing to me is hearing women asking over |
| 2:03.0 | and over again, what's wrong with me? Or is this normal? Nothing is wrong with you for experiencing |
... |
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