Episode 55: Not Your F*cking Job
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 574 Ratings
🗓️ 14 January 2020
⏱️ 32 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flip book called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like:
Helping him heal his childhood wounds?
NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Teaching him how to be a good parent?
NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Proving your worth or proving your love to him?
NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Or keeping him from cheating on you?
NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
You get the idea.
Well, in this week's episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship.
After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control. So what IS your job: to uncover why you're doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce.
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- Why it's not your job to heal your partner's childhood wounds
- Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes
- A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well
- Why it's not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you!
- What IS your job in your relationship
DO YOU LOVE THIS PODCAST EPISODE? DO YOU WANT THIS MESSAGE TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD, OR PLAYED IN YOUR SLEEP? YOU'RE NOT ALONE!
That's why I partnered with Chocolate and Steel to create a gorgeous "Not Your Fucking Job" bracelet for you to wear as a constant reminder!
Buy yours here!!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 0:17.7 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of |
| 0:23.3 | the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. I've been to |
| 0:29.1 | hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side of this process |
| 0:35.1 | with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 0:45.1 | Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. It's solo |
| 0:53.4 | episode time. A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group |
| 0:59.0 | that I was going to write a book and it was going to be called Not Your Fucking Job. |
| 1:03.2 | And it was going to be a very simple flip book about all the things that it's not your |
| 1:07.5 | fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. |
| 1:18.5 | And I kind of posted it as a joke, and then the post kind of went a little nuts so, |
| 1:23.1 | and people were commenting on it like crazy, and then I posted it on Instagram, |
| 1:30.9 | and then I posted it on Facebook, and people had a lot to say about this. And so I've decided to do this podcast episode all about not your fucking job. Now, I want to be really clear. I tend to not be |
| 1:40.2 | black and white about almost anything in relationships, in life. I'm a very gray area person. |
| 1:51.3 | And yet, there are certain things that I'm pretty fucking black and white about. |
| 1:57.0 | And so I'm going to go into, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to go through this list of things that I think it's not your fucking job to do or deal with. And then I'm going to talk about each one in a little bit more depth because it's all very, you know, fun in games, right? It's not your fucking job to put the toilet seat down, which was one of the ones that people put, you know. it's not your fucking job to make him study for school |
| 2:18.9 | for the degree he says that he wants. You know, it's not your fucking job to make him, you know, |
| 2:25.0 | anyway. So there are certain things that are like kind of funny. And then there are certain |
| 2:28.0 | ones that are really serious and require a little bit more explanation, right? Because if you |
| 2:33.3 | are in a relationship with somebody, to a certain |
| 2:37.3 | extent, supporting them and loving them, kind of is your fucking job, right? But it's not your |
| 2:44.2 | fucking job to do it alone, right? It's not your fucking job to care more about his schoolwork than he does. It might be your |
... |
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