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The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Episode 39: Love Factually: the science behind love and divorce with Duana Welch

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Kate Anthony

Education, Relationships, Self-improvement, Society & Culture

4.4575 Ratings

🗓️ 12 August 2019

⏱️ 61 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The prospect of divorce is daunting. And with it comes some very harsh realities: deciding whether you should stay or go, fears surrounding your child's well-being, and even what life will look like after divorce. Wouldn't it be great if science could help us with life's hardest decisions? Well, this week's episode is allll about the science behind love and divorce. 

Duana Welch, author of Love Factually, joins me to talk about those harsh realities of divorce, and helps us take a look at love, relationships, and divorce from a scientific perspective. She holds a PhD in psychology,  contributes to Psychology Today, eHarmony, and others. All of her books rely on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the right partner; or decide when it's time to call it quits. 

In this episode we talk about the social science to help solve real-life relationship issues, some of the circumstances that occur when a divorce needs to happen and even why there are better and worse times for re-marriage. Plus, we even talk about why family blending is so hard, the act of forgiveness and boundary setting.  Duana reminds us that, yes, life after divorce will be awful for a while. But it will get much better, especially once you can understand, embrace and practice the science behind it all. 

Show Highlights

  • What gives people pause when considering divorce, from a scientific perspective (5:58)
  • How women can avoid being a 'sex object' following divorce (10:27)
  • The fail rate for second and subsequent marriages is worse than first marriages and some of the reasons why (15:17)
  • Why children may be the reason subsequent marriages don't work and some ways to help children work through being a member of a blended family or deciding when it's the right time to marry again (16:53)
  • Sometimes you just have to leave your marriage, understanding some circumstances where divorce needs to happen (20:40)
  • Duana shares the shocking stat of how long couples actually wait before they go to marriage counseling & the kind of counseling that is effective (33:56)
  • Evaluating the severity of the damage in your marriage (35:38)
  • Forgiveness and divorce, the barriers to forgiveness and the science behind it (41:21)
  • How to effectively set and maintain your boundaries (43:53)

Learn More Duana Welch:

Dr. Duana Welch is the original Love Factually author and coach known for using social science to solve real-life relationship issues.  Following her PhD in psychology, she taught at universities in Florida, California, and Texas across 20 years. She is the author of the original Love Factually book series worldwide, and contributes to Psychology Today, eHarmony, and others.  All her books rely on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the right partner; and they all have a blue cover, for easy identification. Her Love Factually client practice is global, via Skype and other technologies. Thanks to science and Vic Hariton, she is happily married. For more information and free content, visit www.LoveFactually.co.

Links:

Duana's website

Duana on social media:

Facebook 

Twitter

Instagram 

For a free chapter of Love Factually for Single Parents [& Those Dating Them] and other free stuff, visit www.LoveFactually.co.

Resources:
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Welcome to another episode of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have real, honest, smart,

0:11.6

and sometimes even hilarious conversations about co-parenting, separation, and divorce, and all that goes along with that.

0:18.9

I'm Kate Anthony, your Divorce Survival Guide, certified life and relationship coach,

0:23.6

and happily divorced mom, who helps women decide if they should stay in or leave their marriages

0:28.0

and then guides them through the process one step at a time.

0:35.1

Hey, everyone.

0:36.7

I hope you're having a fantastic summer. Thank you for hanging in with me last month

0:42.3

while I went on vacation with my son. We spent two weeks in New York and it was really lovely.

0:49.8

We spent a week in East Hampton with my dad, which was super special. And then we spent a week in the city, which was amazing and also totally fucking exhausting.

1:01.9

So many of you know that I grew up in New York City.

1:05.3

And while I've taken my son back there over the years, this was the first year that I think he really got it.

1:12.2

Like he's old enough now that we were able to do a ton of stuff that was super fun for both of us

1:17.3

and it was really bonding for us. So my heart is like super full. And also that city is really

1:24.9

fucking exhausting. And every time I go back, I'm totally shocked that I spent

1:29.2

30 years enduring that level of intensity. Holy shit. So for those of you still there, I commend you.

1:39.3

The older I get, the harder it feels to spend significant time there. I just feel like I am too old for that.

1:46.8

Anyway, we had fun. My son loved it. I loved showing him really what I felt like is my city, and it was

1:53.4

really, really special for us. So two weeks ago, my producer, who was also literally my lifesaver,

1:59.5

Darlene, put out a repeat of my most popular episode to date,

2:04.4

which is an amazing conversation I had with my friend, Quentin Hafner.

2:07.9

So I hope you were able to revisit that episode.

2:10.5

And thank you for tuning in again today for today's all new episode.

...

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