Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series Real Time with Bill Marve.

Thank you. Oh, please sit down. You got a big show. Thank you. Oh, I know.

Thank you very much. I know.

Thank you very much. Okay. Oh, I know. I know. I know all about you. I know all about you people.

I'm with the NSA. No, I know. I know you're excited because the important issue of our day, the most important issue, where people can be, has come back into the fore.

President Obama has issued an order that in all public high schools they allowed transgender students to use the bathroom that matches their gender identity, not the dick they were born with, or whatever it is.

P at last, P at last. Thank God almighty we can pee at last.

I mean, most American kids aren't looking for a big civil right stand when they go to the bathroom. They're just looking for a quiet place to have sex with their teacher.

The conservatives meant the ones who make this an issue in North Carolina, I'm not getting about this. They are issuing pepper spray to students in case you encounter a transgender student in the wrong bathroom.

Six months ago, they never heard of transgender in North Carolina.

And so, by the way, giving you a sword in case you encounter a dragon in the bathroom. About as likely.

Can we... Can we please stop obsessing about this Donald Trump pulled Ethan with Hillary Clinton in the polls this week.

The place I'm worried about pissing is in my pants.

Oh, no.

No, that's true. In the Reuters poll, it is 41 to 40. The only thing I have to say about that is, oh, Canada.

Oh, man, native lands.

Oh, have you... You think I'm getting... There is actually now a dating service called Maple Match to help Americans who will be fleeing to...

To find a partner. I was looking on it the other day. I saw one that said, Hispanic man loves long walks on the beach, preferably not at gunpoint in the direction of Mexico.

That's an indication.

But Trump is suddenly even. What happened to never Trump?

Republicans are all on board, and less than a week. It's amazing. It was like, they're like a drunk girl at the bar.

You know, at first, they're like, you're a pulse of pig. Two hours later, I get out so bad. I guess I can go home with you.

...