Now it's time for real time 2.0.

Your task to listen in behind the scenes

to the real time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

It's a real, it's a Cinco de Mayo crowd isn't it?

Cinco de Mayo is another reason to drink.

Donald Trump is now the nominee.

Isn't that amazing?

No, they said it couldn't happen and now it happened.

Unless the near Donald Trump could be in charge of the nuclear codes.

They say if you live long enough you see everything.

If you live long enough they won't be ending left to see.

I mean, Ted Cruz of course was the last one standing he dropped out on Tuesday night.

He said it's morning in America, I've got to get back into my coffin.

I mean there were 17 fucking people in this race.

If only one of them could have been a human being.

Ted Cruz's father said it was the Lord, that's who called him to do this.

He said they prayed on it for two hours and then the Holy Spirit descended upon Ted who said, use me.

Also John Kasich who dropped out yesterday he said the Lord has a purpose for me.

Clearly it's not to be president.

So if you're keeping score the Lord is over two.

Cruz asked the Lord, Kasich asked the Lord, they shouldn't ask the Lord, ask a polster guys.

You know when something is a bad idea when the only person who supports you is invisible.

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