Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series Real Time with Bill Maugh.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Oh stop it. Sit down. You're tired yourself out.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, what about?

Thank you very much. You are, let me tell you something. You are...

You are surprisingly fresh for a week that included a lot of heavy drinking.

It was Cinco de Mayo yesterday. And also Trump is going to be the Republican nominee.

So they don't make Corona strong enough for that. That's right. You just heat down on Trump yesterday.

He took Cinco de Mayo. He tweeted out a picture of him eating a taco bowl and said,

I love his fanics. And they love him. Oh, they love him. He's at all the children's parties here at LA.

As the piñata. But...

You know, they said it couldn't happen. They said it wouldn't happen. It happened.

Donald Trump is going to be the Republican nominee for president. You know, I have taken a lot of crap over the years

for saying this is a stupid country. I should have trademarked it.

Everybody keeps saying it's a reality show. Yeah, fear factor.

I feel like I know how Dracula got to run Transylvania. They had primaries. There was debates.

And then the other vampires just couldn't stand Ted Cruz.

I mean, yeah, that's what happened. It all ended Tuesday night in Indiana.

Ted Cruz bit it. Bad.

I mean, the Republicans all they had to do was come up with one motherfucker who was more popular than Donald Trump.

And they couldn't do that. If you're wondering why even Republicans could not stand Ted Cruz,

he said it is concessions, which I am not making this up. This is why we hate politicians.

He said, just a few days ago, two young kids, four and six, handed me two envelopes full of change,

...