Episode 371: Solo Episode: Before You Leave: How to Create a Safety Plan
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 573 Ratings
🗓️ 4 June 2026
⏱️ 52 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
You may have heard it so many times. "Make a safety plan." And every single time, the women I talk to say the same thing: okay, but what does that actually mean?
In this solo episode, I'm walking you through what a safety plan actually is, why it matters, how to contact a domestic violence agency or shelter before you're in crisis, and what kinds of help may be available even if you never spend a night in a shelter. We're talking about children, custody fears, documentation, technology safety, legal questions, and why leaving safely often requires more than courage. It requires information, support, and a plan.
When you're sitting in your house trying to think through all of this, the part of your brain that is figuring things out or making decisions isn't really working. You're in trauma. And yet you're supposed to make a plan. With what money? Which car? What documents? With my children? Without my children? What if the shelter's full? What if he tracks my phone? What if I leave and he says I kidnapped the kids? What if I stay and something happens?
By the end of this episode, I want you to understand what goes into a safety plan, who can help you make one, how to think about shelters and domestic violence agencies, and what questions to ask before you take any action, especially if you have children.
A safety plan is not about living in fear. It's about refusing to let fear be the only thing in the room. Fear says, "I can't." A plan says, "Here's what I need to know." Maybe not today, but one private step is enough.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
- What shelter actually means and how to use it before you're in crisis
- Technology safety: phones, tracking, shared accounts, and what not to do first
- How to assess your risk and what goes into a safety plan based on that risk
- Identifying your safe people and what "safe" actually means
- Documents to gather: ID, financial records, car title and registration, and more
- How to document incidents in patterns, not just isolated events
- Building cash quietly: gift cards, separate accounts, and why money must be part of the plan
- The physical exit: routes, keys, cars, kids, pets, and where you're actually going
- Kids, custody fears, and why his threats are not legal advice
- How to talk to an advocate or attorney about risk, documentation, and timing
- Your go bag: what's in it, where it lives, and what to do if you can't get to it
Resources & Links:
Creating a Safety Plan
Safety Planning Words, Phrases, & Questions
Registration is now open for the Unbreakable Retreat!
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text START to 88788
thehotline.org (has a quick-close button)
211 (where available) for domestic violence resources, legal aid, emergency housing, food assistance, and victim services
Aimee Says - an AI platform trained and designed specifically to support victims of domestic abuse
Find state specific resources at: womenslaw.org
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-371-solo-episode-before-you-leave-how-to-create-a-safety-plan/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You finally hit your limit. You tell them you're done. You tell them you're filing. You tell them you're taking the kids. You tell them you've talked to an attorney. You tell them you've been documenting. You tell them you're not afraid of him anymore. And maybe in a healthier relationship, that would be a hard conversation. But in an abusive relationship, it can be the moment that everything escalates. Everything can shift on that dime. |
| 0:21.5 | You do not owe advance notice to someone who may use that notice to harm you, to drain your bank |
| 0:26.8 | accounts, to hide documents, take your children, destroy evidence, threaten you, stalk you, |
| 0:33.8 | manipulate the story before you have protection in place right again talk to your attorney about |
| 0:39.8 | legal notice requirements but emotionally i want you to release this fantasy that the safest |
| 0:44.4 | version of leaving is always the most transparent version welcome to the divorce survival podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 1:05.7 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of the roughest |
| 1:11.9 | waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. |
| 1:16.4 | I've been to hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other |
| 1:21.9 | side of this process with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 1:35.3 | Hey everyone, welcome back. |
| 1:43.1 | So if you have ever heard the advice, make a safety plan, and then immediately thought, |
| 1:48.0 | okay, but what does that actually mean this episode is for you i am going to walk you through what a safety plan is why it matters how to contact a domestic |
| 1:55.1 | violence agency or shelter before you're in crisis and what kinds of help may be available even if you never, |
| 2:03.7 | ever spend a night in a shelter. We are also talking about children, custody, fears, documentation, |
| 2:12.8 | technology safety, legal questions, and why leaving safely often requires more than just courage. |
| 2:20.7 | It requires information, support, and a plan. So this episode is not legal advice, and it is not |
| 2:27.1 | a substitute for a local support from your local shelter, but it will help you understand |
| 2:33.3 | what questions to ask, what to prepare, |
| 2:37.5 | and why safety planning is one of the most strategic things that you can do. So if you are in a |
| 2:43.6 | relationship where you are afraid of your partner, afraid of what they will do when you leave, |
| 2:50.0 | afraid of what they will do if they find out that you're planning to leave, or afraid of what they will do when you leave, afraid of what they will do if they find out that you're |
... |
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