Episode 370: The Book Every Protective Parent Needs: Helping Children Heal from Coercive Control with Dr. Christine Cocchiola
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 573 Ratings
🗓️ 28 May 2026
⏱️ 42 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Dr. Christine Cocchiola is back with a brand-new children's book called Every Moment of Every Day. It's a book for kids who are going back and forth between homes when one of those homes isn't safe. It gives children language for what they're feeling, and it gives protective parents a roadmap for how to support them when they come home.
This book does something I haven't seen in any other children's book about divorce: it integrates somatic healing methods to help kids move out of survival mode and back into connection. It also gives children something abusers never do: choice and agency.
We also talk about how to co-regulate when your child comes home dysregulated, which is so hard to do, but so incredibly important. And I ask Dr. C for her thoughts on the way narcissists and coercive controllers are often conflated. She explains why they are not the same.
This is the kind of conversation that reminds me why we can't stop being fierce advocates for the people we work with every day. As Dr. C says, when kids finally connect the dots and the attachment gets rebuilt, it's the most beautiful thing to watch. And it starts with you.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
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Why Dr. C wrote a children's book specifically for kids in shared custody situations with an abusive parent, and what she was trying to give them (4:59)
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How the book helps kids identify what they're feeling in their body, not just their emotions (6:43)
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What makes this book different from other divorce books, which tend to normalize and soften when kids actually need to be seen (9:53)
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How the book integrates somatic healing methods, and what that looks like in practice (10:42)
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Why narcissists and coercive controllers are not the same, and why that distinction matters enormously for how you navigate these systems (21:48)
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What Dr. C has learned from her own experience of parental alienation, and the beautiful reunification stories she's seeing now (34:12)
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Why telling your kids "Dad loves you and is doing the best he can" may actually be gaslighting them (37:33)
Learn more about Dr. Christine Cocchiola:
Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW, is a recognized expert on coercive control and its impact on adult and child victims. As a college professor of social work, she earned her Doctorate in Clinical Social Work from New York University, where she was mentored by Dr. Evan Stark, a leading authority on coercive control.
Dr. Cocchiola presents internationally on the dynamics of coercive control, educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents about children's lived experiences and the most effective intervention strategies for victims of abuse. A social justice advocate since age 19, she developed The Protective Parenting Program, an evidence-based, attachment-focused therapeutic model designed for parents whose children have been harmed by abusive partners.
As both a survivor and protective parent, Dr. Cocchiola brings personal insight to her professional work. She is the author of the children's book Every Moment of Every Day and co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld. Her TEDx talk with over 1.4 M views, "It is ALL Coercive Control," is available on YouTube.
Resources & Links:
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | So anyway, I decided to write a book for protected mothers. And the book is really a book for children who are, it could be for anybody divorcing, by the way, anybody at all. But if a kiddo is afraid to go to there, they don't want to go, mommy, I don't want to go, or when they're coming home, they're disregulated, it really gives children the language of how what they're experiencing is okay. |
| 0:23.6 | It's normal and that when they come home, you know, whether they're, I say, and sometimes |
| 0:28.6 | when it's time to go, I maybe cry and get angry, but really I'm just sad. |
| 0:32.6 | This little girl is just sad, right? |
| 0:34.6 | And he says, my body feels uncomfortable, my belly or my head, or maybe |
| 0:38.5 | it's another part of me, something feels bad. So we help them to understand what they're feeling |
| 0:44.1 | in their body and then how a protective parent can meet them where they are. |
| 0:53.0 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about |
| 0:59.6 | co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 1:06.9 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of the |
| 1:12.7 | roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. |
| 1:17.7 | I've been to hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side |
| 1:23.5 | of this process with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 1:32.3 | Hey everyone, welcome back. I am thrilled to bring you one of my favorite guests, my dear friend, Dr. Christine Coachola. |
| 1:46.3 | She is an expert on the experiences of adult and child victims living in a home with an abuser. She has been a social justice |
| 1:53.5 | advocate since the age of 19, volunteering for a local domestic violence sexual assault agency. |
| 2:00.4 | She's a college professor teaching social work |
| 2:02.6 | for over 20 years. She received her doctorate in clinical social work from NYU. She is the creator |
| 2:08.8 | of the protective parenting program, which is a clinical intervention program for protective |
| 2:14.9 | parents based in attachment theory, highly, highly recommend. |
| 2:20.1 | If you are, if you identify as a protective parent and have not taken Christine's class, |
| 2:27.7 | her, done her protective parenting program, it will honestly change a lot of things for you. |
... |
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