Episode 361: Why Dropping Divorce Rates Are Not Always Good News with Dr. Amelia Kelley

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Kate Anthony

Relationships, Education, Self-improvement, Society & Culture

4.4 • 573 Ratings

🗓️ 19 March 2026

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

TEDx speaker, author, neurodiversity and mental health advocate, and host of the Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, and she brings over 20 years of clinical experience to everything she does. We have done some incredible episodes together, and this is no exception.

Amelia recently brought to my attention a study exploring the impact of Kentucky's 50/50 shared custody ruling, which has been credited with dropping divorce rates by 25% or more. Articles are celebrating the decrease in divorce. And that is exactly what alarmed us.

Here's why: Divorce rates are not dropping because people are happier in their marriages.

What this ruling is actually doing is forcing victims to stay in unsafe marriages because they are terrified of their children being alone with their abuser 50% of the time.

Now other states are looking at Kentucky as a model of success worth replicating. So we are digging into what this actually means from a trauma-informed perspective. What happens in the nervous system when the legal system puts the burden of proof on the victim. Why a child witnessing abuse meets the clinical definition of PTSD, and why courts are not looking at it that way. And what it does to a survivor, psychologically and physiologically, when they are told they must hand their child to their abuser half of the time.

This is a legal conversation, but we are not here as attorneys. We are here as trauma-informed professionals who see what this is doing to survivors every single day.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

Why dropping divorce rates are not always a good thing and what is actually keeping people from leaving (2:40)
The burden of proof is on the victim, and what that does to them psychologically (10:46)
What happens in the nervous system when you are told you must share your child 50% of the time with your abuser (12:00)
Why your attorney is not your therapist or divorce coach and why an interdisciplinary team matters (15:08)
Aimee Says AI, the tool built for survivors that helps document, organize, and categorize abuse evidence (18:16)
Why a child witnessing abuse is, by definition, a traumatized child and why courts don't see it that way (21:26)
How to find a therapist who will testify, and why you need to ask upfront before you need them (23:42)

Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley:

Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, professor, TED speaker, author, and neurodiversity and mental health advocate, as well as the host of The Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, supporting those impacted by emotional and psychological harm in rebuilding self-trust, clarity, and nervous-system stability. With over 20 years of clinical experience, she takes an integrative, science-grounded approach informed by IFS, EMDR, somatic and polyvagal theory, and ADHD research. She is currently writing her forthcoming book on ADHD treatment in women with Norton Publishing.

Resources & Links:

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Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce

Dr. Amelia Kelley's website
Dr. Kelley on Facebook
Dr. Kelley on Instagram
Dr. Kelley on LinkedIn

Episode 353: Aimee Says Updates: How Women Are Documenting Abuse in Real Time with Anne Wintemute
Episode 335: Making Your Trauma Responses Work For You with Dr. Amelia Kelley
Article: Kentucky's Equal Custody Law Shows Why America Needs Shared Parenting Presumptions

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-361-why-dropping-divorce-rates-are-not-always-good-news-with-dr-amelia-kelley/

Transcript

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0:00.0	What alarmed me and what made me think, oh, this is so a Kate Anthony topic, the article was almost celebrating the idea that suddenly divorce rates are dropping by 25% or more.
0:14.5	Yes.
0:15.3	And as soon as I read that, the little hairs on the back of my neck went up and I felt a fear response thinking, oh, no,
0:24.9	if the reason people aren't divorcing is the fear of the child or their children being with their
0:32.4	partner more. And that's keeping the divorce from happening we have a conversation to have.
0:37.8	That's right.
0:42.3	Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about
0:48.8	co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go?
0:56.2	I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of the
1:02.0	roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions.
1:06.9	I've been to hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other
1:12.4	side of this process with your sanity and your heart intact.
1:24.2	Hey everyone, welcome back. I have with me today, my friend and yours, Dr. Amelia Kelly.
1:34.9	For those of you who don't know, how could you not?
1:37.6	Dr. Amelia Kelly is a trauma-informed therapist. She's a professor, TED speaker, author, and neurodiversity and mental health advocate, as well as the host of the sensitivity doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship, trauma, and gaslighting recovery. We've done amazing episodes on that. Supporting those impacted by emotional and psychological harm
2:02.0	in rebuilding self-trust, clarity, and nervous system stability. She's got over 20 years of
2:08.8	clinical experience. And she's amazing. We could go on and on and on, but she's written a million
2:16.0	books and been on the show a bunch of times. Welcome back,
2:21.6	Amelia. Thanks for having me again. I was just saying to you when we were jumping on that it's
2:27.6	fun when you get to podcast with a friend. That's right. That's right. And we're going to kind of divert from what we normally talk about. Well, we've talked about a ton of different things, but we're going to kind of dip into the legal realm a little bit. But from the trauma-informed perspective, as always, you know, you messaged me a while a little while back about something that, a study that was done in Kentucky.
2:59.9	You want to tell me, you want to tell the audience a little bit about what that is and what it is that we're looking at today?
3:06.1	Sure.
	...

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