Episode 345: How to Communicate With Your Ex (Without Losing Your Mind) with the Pros at Talking Parents
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 573 Ratings
🗓️ 20 November 2025
⏱️ 43 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
If you've gone through divorce, are contemplating it, or you're smack in the messy middle, you already know: one of the hardest parts isn't the paperwork. It's learning how the hell to communicate with your ex. This is someone you likely have a lot of emotional heat with: toxic, irritating, disappointing, or all of the above and communication might even be one of the reasons you're not together anymore.
And if you share kids? The communication doesn't end just because the relationship does. You still have to find a way to talk calmly, clearly, and with as much emotional self-protection as possible.
That's why I brought on today's guests:Tessa Noel and Heather Ruiz from Talking Parents, a platform designed to reduce the chaos, conflict, and emotional landmines that come with co-parenting. Tessa is a certified divorce transition coach and a co-parent who's lived through a brutally high-conflict divorce. Heather brings 20+ years of communications and leadership experience, and her own co-parenting journey, to the work she does shaping Talking Parents' mission.
At the end of the day, healthy communication isn't about fixing your ex, it's about reclaiming your power and creating the calm your kids need.
✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
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The biggest mistakes people make when they first start co-parenting with a difficult or high-conflict ex (11:45)
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Real-life communication patterns that support healthier outcomes for kids (16:00)
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How boundaries changed everything for Tessa and why Heather says they're essential to set early, even when things feel amicable (23:45)
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Tessa's children's book Stella's Two Homes and how it helps kids navigate two-household families (28:45)
Learn more about Tessa Noel and Heather Ruiz:
Tessa Noel is a certified divorce transition and recovery coach with extensive knowledge in multiple life coaching frameworks. She holds a degree from California State University of San Marcos and has firsthand experience in the family courts of California. Tessa is also a co-parent with two children. In her free time, she loves to take them on adventures around their home state of California.
With over 20 years in marketing and communication, Heather Ruiz is at the forefront of software services as TalkingParents Marketing Director, shaping the narrative around a pivotal time when digital platforms are redefining how co-parents coordinate, collaborate, and care for their children.
Resources & Links:
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Talking Parents
Talking Parents on Facebook
Talking Parents on Instagram
Talking Parents on LinkedIn
Talking Parents on TikTok
Talking Parents on YouTube
Tessa on Instagram
Stella's Two Homes
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | you're going through an identity crisis and you have to be able to be willing to let those things |
| 0:04.7 | go and do it in a way that is focusing forward on the children, got to have a business-like |
| 0:11.3 | professional relationship moving forward. We're not going to talk about who we're dating. |
| 0:14.8 | We're not going to have the same cyclical arguments. We're not going to have the same |
| 0:19.5 | expectations that existed in the toxic relationship. We're not going to have the same expectations that existed |
| 0:20.9 | in the toxic relationship. We're leaving all of that behind and we're moving forward |
| 0:26.4 | with managed expectations. |
| 0:32.4 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about |
| 0:39.1 | co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should |
| 0:45.4 | you go? I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate |
| 0:51.5 | some of the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. |
| 0:57.1 | I've been to hell and back. |
| 0:59.1 | And now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side of this process with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 1:20.5 | Hey everyone, welcome back. So if you've been through divorce, which you either are going through or are contemplating if you're listening to this podcast, right? Or if you are in the |
| 1:26.2 | thick of it, you already know that one of the hardest |
| 1:30.2 | parts isn't just signing the papers. It's learning how to communicate with your ex. This is probably |
| 1:37.7 | somebody that you have a lot of emotional heat with, whether it's toxic or just annoying or whatever, communication is probably |
| 1:48.0 | among the reasons that you're not with this person anymore, and yet you have to keep doing |
| 1:53.1 | it. So if you share kids, unfortunately, communication doesn't just end when the relationship |
| 2:00.0 | does. You have to find a way to |
| 2:01.6 | keep talking to this person. Calmly, hopefully, clearly, hopefully, and with accountability, |
| 2:08.5 | which is easier said than done. So that's why I'm excited about today's guests, Tessa Noelle and |
... |
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