Episode 336: Breaking Patterns, Choosing Power: Dating After Divorce with Jennie Young
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 573 Ratings
🗓️ 18 September 2025
⏱️ 49 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
I'm excited to welcome back Jennie Young to the podcast. Jennie is here to talk about dating after divorce and how to protect yourself from getting tangled in the patterns you worked so hard to get yourself out of. She's the creator of the Burned Haystack Dating Method — a sharp and fiercely feminist approach to spotting danger early in the dating process, and the author of the upcoming book Burn the Haystack
In our conversation, Jennie and I dig into the realities of dating after divorce: from spotting danger in seemingly "safe" profiles to challenging the patriarchal scripts that keep women waiting to be chosen. Plus, we talk about shifting into the seat of choice, what it looks like to feel genuinely comfortable being single, and how these changes ripple out into raising kids with healthier expectations.
✨ Podcast episodes are available in two formats - audio and video! If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
- Jennie shares her origin story and the ah-ha moment that led to creating The Burned Haystack Dating Method (2:31)
- The feminist philosophy behind Burned Haystack and how it flips the traditional "pick me" script (5:33)
- Why green flags can actually be red flags in disguise: from love bombing to performative sensitivity (15:25)
- The importance of being comfortable (and even happy) being single before re-entering dating (32:44)
- What the "extinction burst" in the toxic manosphere means, and why starving it of attention is essential (35:09)
- How to shift the messaging for our kids so they grow up with healthier expectations and values (42:39)
Learn more about Jennie Young: Jennie Young is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a dating method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis. It is designed to combat many of the challenges of dating in a market that is too frequently mediated by misogynistic and patriarchal structures. She holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University and a satire writing certificate from Second City Chicago. Her work has been published in McSweeney's, Ms. Magazine, HuffPost, and others and covered by major media outlets such as The New York Times, Newsweek, RollingStone, and others.
Resources & Links:
ALL NEW: The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are Now Available on YouTube!
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
Jennie's book Burn the Haystack
Jennie's Substack, Burned Haystack
Jennie's website
Jennie's Facebook Group
Jennie on Instagram
Episode 317: Burned Haystack Dating Method with Jennie Young
Episode 325: They Helped Me Find Love—Now They're Interviewing Me About It! With Alyssa Dineen and Jennie Young
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-336-breaking-patterns-choosing-power-dating-after-divorce-with-jennie-young/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I'm trying to talk with women, and I know young women already talk like this with each other. |
| 0:05.0 | My students do. |
| 0:06.7 | They see themselves very much as sitting in the seat of the person who's choosing rather than hoping to be chosen. |
| 0:14.7 | And we don't want to slant that toward the other side. |
| 0:17.0 | I don't want a world where men are sitting around waiting to be chosen and feeling |
| 0:21.7 | whatever, thinking less of themselves and having their self-esteem taken. I don't want that either. |
| 0:26.8 | What we want is equality and a true feminism lifts everybody up of all genders. |
| 0:50.9 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 0:56.1 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. |
| 1:02.3 | I've been to hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side |
| 1:08.0 | of this process with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 1:19.6 | Hey, everyone. Welcome back. I am excited today to bring back my friend, one of the women entirely responsible for changing my life. |
| 1:32.2 | My friend, Jenny Young, we're going to be talking about dating after divorce and how to |
| 1:36.3 | protect yourself from getting tangled into some of the same patterns that you work so hard to |
| 1:42.2 | get yourself out of. My guest is Jenny Young. |
| 1:44.4 | She's the creator of the burned haystack dating method, a sharp, funny, and fiercely feminist |
| 1:50.4 | approach to spotting danger early in the dating process, like on the apps, y'all. She is a professor |
| 1:58.8 | of writing and rhetoric, an expert in applied rhetoric and |
| 2:02.5 | critical discourse analysis, and the author of the upcoming book, Burn the Haystack, which we are |
| 2:07.7 | super excited about. You can pre-order it now, and it'll be coming out in April, right? Yep, |
| 2:14.7 | April 7. All right. So Jenny teaches women how to decode the subtle and not so |
| 2:19.8 | subtle ways misogyny shows up in dating profiles, messaging, and conversations. Jenny, welcome |
... |
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