Episode 329: Divorcing with ADHD: Tracy Otsuka on Trauma, Misdiagnosis, and Mental Overload
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 573 Ratings
🗓️ 26 June 2025
⏱️ 41 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
The brilliant Tracy Otsuka is back on the show for another rich conversation about why ADHD so often gets misdiagnosed (or completely missed) in women, how trauma can mimic or amplify ADHD symptoms, and what you can actually do to function and advocate for yourself if you're dealing with either (or both) during divorce.
We also dig into the very real challenges of trying to function while your brain is in a constant state of overwhelm: whether that's from trauma, ADHD, or the mental chaos that comes when the lines between them blur. Tracy breaks down the importance of understanding how your brain is wired, why traditional systems so often fail neurodivergent women, and how to build supports that actually work for you.
Whether you're navigating ADHD or the aftermath of trauma, reclaiming your own narrative isn't just important, it's necessary, especially if someone else is trying to write it for you.
Here's what else we discuss in this episode:
- How ADHD presents differently in women than men and why so many of us go undiagnosed (3:23)
- The difference between a trauma state and ADHD and why knowing the distinction matters (10:15)
- What to do when your ADHD diagnosis is used against you by your partner or ex in a weaponized or manipulative way (22:10)
- How gender roles and stereotypes create additional shame and pressure for neurodivergent women (26:16)
- Tracy's brilliant tip for using ChatGPT as a digital support tool in divorce (30:58)
Learn more about Tracy Otsuka: Tracy Otsuka, JD, LLM, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach and the host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast. Her book of the same name with Harper Collins - William Morrow is an Amazon Editors' Top 20 Best Nonfiction Book of 2024 recipient.
Over the past decade, she has empowered thousands of clients (from doctors and therapists to C-suite executives and entrepreneurs) to see their neurodivergence as a strength–not a weakness. Leveraging her analytical skills from her time as lead counsel at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission she helps clients boost productivity, improve finances, save relationships and live happier lives.
Tracy's expertise and experience as an adult living with ADHD are regularly sought out by top tier media including Bloomberg, CBS Mornings, ABC News Live, Forbes, Inc, Prevention, ADDitude magazine, and The Goal Digger Podcast. When she's not sharing her thought leadership around ADHD on other platforms, she hosts her own podcast which ranks #1 in its category and has over 7 million downloads across 160 countries. She also moderates a Facebook group with over 100,000 members. A married mother of two, Tracy lives in Sonoma County outside of San Francisco.
Resources & Links:
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Episode 287: ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka (Neurodivergence in Relationships)
Tracy's book, ADHD for Smart Ass Women
Tracy's podcast
ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction--from Childhood through Adulthood, Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.
ChatGPT
Aimee Says AI
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT TO PROVIDE LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode Link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-329-divorcing-with-adhd-tracy-otsuka-on-trauma-misdiagnosis-and-mental-overload/
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | You have a right to accommodations, even in divorce, you know, just like in school. |
| 0:04.5 | So if ADHD impacts your ability to process information or manage logistics, you're allowed |
| 0:11.7 | to ask for clarity. |
| 0:13.3 | You're allowed to ask for breaks. |
| 0:15.2 | You're allowed to ask for a different form of communication. |
| 0:19.1 | Like, nope, not even going to deal with that. You need to put it |
| 0:21.7 | in writing. You know, so that you have that time to really consider what is being asked of you. |
| 0:28.6 | The other thing is you do not need to be perfect. The only thing you need to do, and I know this is |
| 0:33.8 | an only, yeah, right, Tracy, only, but you need to be consistent. |
| 0:39.8 | Courts don't care if your laundry piles up or your house isn't perfect. |
| 0:44.3 | They care about stability. |
| 0:50.3 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations |
| 0:56.8 | about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay |
| 1:02.7 | or should you go. |
| 1:04.7 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of the |
| 1:10.1 | roughest waters you've ever swum in |
| 1:12.0 | and answer some of your toughest questions. I've been to hell and back, and now it's my |
| 1:18.1 | mission in life to help you get to the other side of this process with your sanity and your |
| 1:24.1 | heart intact. |
| 1:33.1 | Hey everyone, welcome back. |
| 1:39.0 | I'm really excited to bring you this conversation with my friend Tracy Atsuka. |
| 1:45.4 | She is back on the show for another conversation about ADHD and women. |
... |
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