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The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Episode 25: How To Fight For Your Marriage with Quentin Hafner

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Kate Anthony

Education, Relationships, Self-improvement, Society & Culture

4.4575 Ratings

🗓️ 9 January 2019

⏱️ 48 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This week I welcome back returning guest and friend, Quentin Hafner. You may have first heard Quentin in the episode, Should I Stay or Should I Go, which is my most downloaded episode to date! So, since he is such a likeable guy (and a serious rockstar therapist), I thought it would be great to have him back.

I often get emails from men who don't know where to turn after being told by their wife that they want a divorce. And, you know what, sometimes I don't really know what to tell them. But I do want to help them. So Quentin joins me to talk about some things men can do (or mindsets to adopt) that may help them save their marriage.

Show Highlights

  • Evaluating whether or not there is something you can do to keep your marriage together; aka determining if the "door" truly is closed (8 minutes and 15 seconds)
  • Some reasons a husband may resist fighting for his marriage (10:55)
  • Quentin shares why going through his own divorce was one of the best thing that happened to him (14:12)
  • We learn incredible life lessons through pain; and sometimes there is no way to get through to a partner other than devastation (14:52)
  • Take the early warning signs, seriously (16:39}
  • When your wife asks you to go to therapy with her, go because she may not ask again (18:03)
  • There is a right way and a wrong way to fight for your marriage (20:20)
  • Be willing to work through issues, to change, and to ask for help (23:07)
  • There is nothing more lonely than the feeling of loneliness in a marriage (34:13)
  • Most men are conflict avoidant and why knowing that can help women bring their partner closer to them rather than push them away (36:07)
  • Women need to feel safe and secure before engaging sexually, it is in their DNA (40:42)
  • Quentin shares a little bit about his book, The Black Belt Husband (42:46)

Learn More About Quentin:

Quentin Hafner is not your ordinary therapist.

He works tirelessly to help husbands and wives in relationships to feel massively more content, greater levels of peace, and overall more satisfied to be together than ever before.

Quentin helps those struggling with:

  • A marriage on shaky ground and you can't seem to stop fighting.
  • Issues of infidelity or feeling suspicious of trusting your partner.
  • Feeling stagnant or that your marriage is stuck in a rut.
  • Not sure if you should stay together, or end your relationship.

As a licensed therapist, Quentin combines his experience, education, and proven results with real-world practical guidance, easy-to-implement tools, and measurable solutions to help people reach their goals and dreams.

Quentin is currently launching a month-to-month group coaching program for husbands in which he'll walk men through the Black Belt Husband system, month by month. More info here.

Links:

Quentin's website: http://quentinhafner.com

The Black Belt Husband - the book!

Get Her Back freebie

Links to Quentin's social channels:

https://www.facebook.com/QuentinHafnerTherapy

https://www.instagram.com/quentin_hafner

 

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Welcome to another episode of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have real, honest, smart,

0:11.6

and sometimes even hilarious conversations about co-parenting, separation, and divorce, and all that goes along with that.

0:18.9

I'm Kate Anthony, your Divorce Survival Guide, certified life and relationship coach, and happily

0:24.2

divorced mom who helps women decide if they should stay in or leave their marriages and then

0:28.6

guides them through the process one step at a time.

0:35.6

Happy New Year!

0:57.5

Welcome back, everyone. I took a bit of a break. And I didn't tell you I was taking a break because I didn't actually know I was going to take a break. I kind of thought I would keep going over the holidays. And then I got into them and I thought, you know what, I need to take this time. And so I did. So now I'm back.

1:03.7

My son is back at school. Everything's rocking and rolling. And, you know, I got to say, I'm really lucky because I love what I do so much. And even though sometimes I need to take a break and I need to step away, often my

1:14.1

stepping away periods are my most creative. They are when my creative juices get a little bit

1:19.8

of a rest and they start reflowing and regenerating. So I've got a lot of really exciting stuff

1:25.9

coming up soon.

1:41.4

Most importantly, is the launch of my program, should I stay or should I go, which is a 12-week group coaching program that will help you finally decide one way or the other.

1:45.5

I think I've mentioned to you before that I did a beta run of this program over the fall, and it was such a huge success. And the women who participated in this

1:52.0

group, they blew me away. They really did. Over the years, as I've been doing this work,

1:57.4

people have said to me, I don't really want to do group work because I feel like my, you know,

2:00.7

my problems, my marital problems especially are really personal and they're really

2:04.5

unique. And all of these women that went through this course with me over in the fall,

2:10.8

I limited it to 12 women. And they all felt the same way. And they all said that the most

2:16.5

empowering aspect of the program was the group,

2:20.9

was having all these women realizing that they were not alone, that they all shared so many

2:26.5

aspects of their stories, that they were like so empowered by being able to share with each

2:32.5

other. They just lifted each other up and it was

...

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