EPISODE 212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction”

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.8 • 2.2K Ratings

🗓️ 12 June 2025

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en) The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you think. We asked our Instagram audience, and a whopping 84% said they’ve experienced this reaction. But the question we keep hearing is: “How do we fix it?” In this episode, we break down: The 3 biggest reasons The Bristle Reaction happens 6 actionable ways to start enjoying your partner’s touch again Why this topic hits so close to home for so many couples If physical affection has started to feel complicated or triggering, this episode will give you clarity, tools, and hope. 🔗 Links & Resources: 📘 Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life 📝 Initiation 101 Guide ➡️ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-212&utm_term=podcast-212 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial PLUS 25% off your annual subscription ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	It's kind of like an iceberg.
0:02.7	Like on the surface, it seems like it's just this physical reaction that's happening.
0:06.8	Like my partner's trying to touch me and I'm recoiling from their touch.
0:09.7	But beneath the iceberg down under the water, there's so many dynamics that are playing into it.
0:28.0	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.
0:33.5	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:38.6	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical
0:43.6	relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors,
0:49.9	and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. Today we have something very special for you.
0:59.0	We are re-airing our episode all about the Bristol reaction. A big one. So we recorded this one
1:06.5	several years ago and this remains to date, like the most popular content we ever created
1:15.2	for social media.
1:16.1	I think we have one random other reel that, like, performed better than this.
1:19.5	But this was one of the most popular.
1:21.8	At the time, it was the most popular thing we had ever shared by far.
1:24.7	And we still get so much attention.
1:26.6	Between Instagram and TikTok, I think it for sure is the most popular thing, and it was also
1:31.0	the most, I mean, it was, I mean, you, this topic literally spawned a New York Times article
1:38.3	that, like, defined the bristle reaction as a term.
1:44.0	So the bristle reaction is the name that we coined for when your partner touches you
1:50.7	and you feel your body recoil.
1:53.2	Like you're, you just, you bristle.
	...

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