I think one of the issues that a lot of couples get into when they have conflict is it feels like

one person's right and one person's wrong. We're very used to seeing the world

kind of in a black and white way and especially around conflict most of us are uncomfortable with it

and it just feels sort of easier to put it in this framework of someone's right and someone's wrong.

Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa. And Sandra Marin.

I'm a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and

downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.

So make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips,

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Tell me if this is something you have heard in your household. We've talked about this a million

times. Oh yeah. I am. It's your heart rate starting to go up a little bit. A little bit,

a little bit. Yeah I mean this is something I think that most couples struggle with. We definitely

have our version of the conflict that just keeps coming back and back and yeah when you hear those

words you're just like oh shoot this is happening again. Unfortunately in relationships so many of the

conflicts that we have are conflicts that we have over and over and over again. It feels like we're

on this horrible hamster wheel just repeating ourselves having this exact same argument and this

can be incredibly frustrating. It makes you wonder are we ever gonna fix this? Is this what life is

gonna be like for the rest of eternity? Are we even a good fit for each other if we can't solve

these problems? If you've ever thought any of those things that Vanessa just said then we want

to introduce you to the concept of unresolvable conflict. So there's actually a lot of research

on this. John Gottman who's a really well-known psychologist and relationship researcher he found

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