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The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Episode 176: Abuser. Narcissist. Sociopath. with Annette Oltmans

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Kate Anthony

Education, Self-improvement, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.4574 Ratings

🗓️ 14 July 2022

⏱️ 59 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This week we are talking about the differences between narcissists, abusers, and sociopaths and why (or why not) those differences even matter. I received so much positive feedback when Annette Oltmans was on the show last time that I invited her back to explore this topic with me.  

Annette's personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion for founding The M3ND Project in 2016.

Show Highlights

  • What is the difference between narcissists, abusers, and sociopaths and does it matter? (6:28)
  • Why it is important to look at the way someone makes you feel as opposed to focusing on a partner's diagnosis or label (9:02)
  • The maze of confusion and what it is like to be in a conversation with an abuser (13:53)
  • All narcissists are abusers but not all abusers are narcissists (14:13)
  • Annette shares the Pillars of Abuse (26:08)
  • How to know when an abusive partner is truly working to change their behaviors. For one: they will have setbacks but still show longstanding evidence of change (40:00)
  • Communication problems are not the core issue of abusive relationships (46:39)

Learn more about Annette Oltmans:

Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette's personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University's Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities". 

Resources & Links:

Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/abuser-narcissist-sociopath-with-annette-oltmans/

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The Maze of Confusion


TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM

 
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.  In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you'll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go.

0:17.8

I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of

0:23.3

the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. I've been to

0:29.1

hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side of this process

0:35.1

with your sanity and your heart intact.

0:45.1

Hey everyone. Welcome back. Happy summer. I brought my friend Annette Altman's back.

0:55.3

You guys loved her so much before.

0:58.7

I got so much feedback from our last episode together.

1:03.3

So I brought Annette back on.

1:06.9

And today we're going to be sort of dissecting the differences between, you know,

1:12.1

narcissists, abuser, sociopath, all those things.

1:18.3

And I want you to stay and listen.

1:20.2

Make sure you listen through to the end of this episode because at the end,

1:24.1

Annette and I talk about a program, a class that she has coming up on August 15th that I think you guys are going to want to hear about.

1:33.3

So stay tuned for that so that you can get the details on that class.

1:39.3

And just a little FYI and heads up.

1:43.2

So I am taking July and August off from all of my coaching so that I can

1:49.1

write my book. I think I told you that. Did I tell you guys that? Yep. So I am deep in book writing mode

1:56.5

right now. And when I come back, I'm going to be doing things a little bit differently.

2:02.6

And so I wanted to kind of drop a little information here today about how things are going to

2:12.1

look when I get back. What I have found is that taking on the number of private clients that I have, that I have

2:25.7

had has become a little bit overwhelming. And it's, and then there are, you know, still more

...

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