Hey guys, my name is John Kim. I'm a licensed therapist and life coach putting

self betterment into a shot class because let's face it who's got that much time

these days. I come unpolished, unrehearsed, on purpose.

If you're looking for more of a wine glass, you've come to the wrong place.

So John Gottman talks about the Four Horses of the Apocalypse and these are so important when it comes to relationships.

I believe that if you have these things in your relationship for a long time, right?

Not just once, but like if it's a pattern, there is a virus in your relationship and

your relationship is going to eventually crumble. So this is really important. If you

know these then maybe today's just a reminder. If you don't, as you're listening

to these four things that can destroy your relationship.

I don't want you to blame or think about what you know if your partner is doing it.

I actually would like for you to hold up a mirror ask yourself if you are doing these

things right that's what's important and of course if your partner is doing

them as well there's a conversation that needs to happen but first look at yourself you

know I always encourage people to look inward first and then you could have a

conversation with your partner if you notice these traits in your partner.

And also I want to say if they happen a couple times, it's okay and normal.

It's when these things are happening as a pattern consistently over a long period of time that your relationship can be in trouble.

So what are they? What are the four horses of the apocalypse?

Number one, defensiveness. We are all defensive. We all have that

knee-jerk to defend, right? And usually that comes from fear or ego or you know wanting to prove

ourselves or not wanting to be wrong and listen that that's natural it's only when you are always defensive.

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