I got $160 ticket for going through a stop sign on my bicycle.

I got pulled over by a cop with a gun and a badge and a whole car.

You can't. What? He pulled me over after a pursuit, I guess.

He comes up to me and he's like, what's the hurry? He's like, God, you can't ask that.

When you're in a car and I am not TVTM.

This is coming from a place of jam and that place, I don't have a map for it.

You're going to hold it in for about 20 seconds or until your vision begins to vibrate.

Hey, come back to my place and you can look at my new chair.

I bought it while I was sitting in a chair. This is where you were bland.

And dull and chubby.

We're pregnant. We're pregnant.

We're pregnant. We're pregnant.

They said you were jowly. That's not a word.

These are going to be some words that we're talking to you on this Wednesday afternoon

edition of TBTL. This is the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

The only has to show for it is this stuffed banana with a drug box.

That's what they pay me with here on this imaginary radio program.

It's episode number 1,332 and a collector series. My name is Luke Burbank.

I'm your host, weighing into 190 pounds.

The traveling carnival is now setting up here in Dairy New Hampshire, but you will not see tubs of fun.

You will, I'm sure, find it entertaining.

I mean tonight on TBTL.

...