What's going on everybody? There is no music at the top of this one. This is a

Well, this is a podcast interesting enough. I did something that I've never done before I

I recorded one earlier that I'm not gonna release and not because I said anything I

I didn't want to say and not because I you know I thought I said something controversial whatever but you know I wanted to do this one

I'm just talking about my little buddy Rocky and it was interesting. I'm approaching this completely different as I did the first one you know the first one I got a little high and because I knew when I'm high it kind of suppresses emotions and but I didn't want to I was like well I don't

want to cry in the podcast and I don't know if I'm going to cry I don't know but then as I

started to listen to it because I was like I'm going to listen to that and see if I'm

okay with that and I'm not like I I'm not you know I don't want this to be an Oprah interview you know where I'm weeping

But I also want to I decided that I wanted to have something on recorded just of me talking about them

You know I didn't get to go home and say goodbye with the rest of family with

Jacob and Beth and Kate and I've just been kind of holding on to it and I've had to tape a couple TV shows here in New York and a couple meetings today and

So I really just was trying to really compartmentalize it until I got home because it's been really tough. You guys, all of you know, I have to tell you, I was overwhelmed with the outreach on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and you guys sharing your stories and the kind of words about Rocky meant more to me than you know, know I had a tough couple days not only

Did you know was his passing crushing but you know I wasn't there I wasn't there I wasn't there I wasn't there I

wasn't there to say goodbye I wasn't there to help him in his last couple of hours and so I

felt terrible about that and alone. I felt really alone here. I felt alone because you know

having to compartmentalize it and so there's nobody around you who's going through the same thing you're going

through it's nice to grieve around people we grieve together you know and

I really haven't had a chance to grieve. I think I've pushed it so far down.

That'll probably all hit me when I walk into the house.

But... hit me when I walk into the house.

But his passing, you know, him dying like,

not being there is something I'm really struggling with, you know, Beth

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