Let me see here.

Devilshli handsome public figure, radio celebrity.

Horde, no.

Slight Horde.

Is seeking woman with big personality, who is a moderate drinker, morally adventurous,

must like horror movies, enjoys walks on the beach,

enjoys very short walks on the beach, and being designated driver on weekends,

will put up with hoarding, will slight hoarding.

Well, more like collecting, yes, slight collecting, collecting behavior of an award-winning celebrity.

Boom!

Oh, hello, didn't see you there, perfect timing.

Malachi and I are setting up my very first online dating profile.

I'm excited, but also cautious.

I'm ex-cautious.

Trademark Terry Carnation.

I have been blessed slash cursed by having had many admiring fans throw themselves at me daily,

but what I really want is an equal. Malachi is a wonderful companion, but like most katsy,

he lacks the empathy gene.

Quite frankly, he's a loof.

And were I to suddenly die of my home, he would probably feast on my corpse.

Jerk.

So I'm in the middle of setting up an account right now.

...