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And I don't know what to do because my jealous grandma claims that I upstaged her at her wedding by being too attractive.

This is her fifth wedding.

You've had your time to shine, Grandma.

Listen, is it so hard to go outside and just stick your face in some mud?

Yeah.

Or, you know, let's just go Hannibal Lecter.

I want you to cut off your face and put it on my face so I can go. Yeah, come on. Give,

Grandma a little treat. She deserves it. You know, Botox don't work anymore. I want your face on my face.

Yeah. It's only your wedding. I'm 28 female. Maternal grandma is 71 female.

This past weekend she got married to her boyfriend of a couple years.

This is her fifth wedding, which I mentioned not to judge, but because it's relevant later on.

The last time she got married, I was a junior in high school and wore cranberry strapless dress that my grandma purchased for me,

very much in line with a cocktail dress code.

I didn't try to do this, but in hindsight, I wore makeup that was too much for a wedding.

I just wore what I would normally do, toned down, smoky eye, eyeliner with nude lip.

Uh-oh.

Nude lips.

One of the granddaughters of the husband she was marrying then pulled me aside and told me

I did too much and that I should wipe the makeup off before photos.

Dang.

...