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Today I effed up by using boiled eggs to masturbate.

Mmm, they sweet, sweet yolk.

Hey, that's how you get scrambled eggs, yo.

Oh, disgusting.

This happened just now.

I never thought I'd have to post anything like this.

Really, you didn't have to post this at all, actually.

No, you did. You could have just't have to post this at all, actually. No, you didn't.

You could have just gone around your day and not posted masturbation stories to the internet,

but here you are and here we are reading about it.

For obvious reasons, I can't tell this to anyone I know.

So you poor souls are going to have to read this.

Again, we didn't have to.

We didn't. We didn't. But here we are. But here we are. About two hours ago, I got a little horny and had the glorious idea to boil a few eggs and find out how many of them I can fit inside my vagina. Yeah. I took a turn. You know, I thought I was going to be a man masturbating. I thought there are like eggs. I've heard of like a little egg in Japan. Yeah. So it's like how many can I fit? It's like a Russian nesting doll. That's interesting. And I guess like the golden retriever with tennis ball. That sounds like it would you peeling the eggs? One would hope so.

Yeah, because I would, you know, a little crunchy.

Horniness makes us do all stupid, all kinds of stupid things.

But I seem to be extraordinarily brain dead.

So once the eggs were boiled and cooled down, I lay in my bed with the eggs next to me, got

a ton of lube, opened up a porn video, and got started.

Oh yeah.

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