This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Unhinged neighbor smashes my door in. Is she trying to rob me? Nah, dude. She's just new to the neighborhood and wants to give you some cookies. Yeah, she was like, hey, look, I really need you to take these cookies, okay? They're delicious and they're going to go stale. They're so good. You don't want to miss it.

And here's some milk.

Take it.

My kids and I moved into a house in March.

Day two in my new house, I tripped over a broken paver.

I didn't break anything, but I still needed surgery, a three-night hospital stay, and a leg brace for two full weeks.

Dang, that is awful.

While I was in the hospital, my partner, formerly ex-partner, but now we've reconciled.

It's complicated.

Sounds complicated.

Very much.

My partner, Martin, my dad, sister, my bestie, and her wife had formed an emergency team.

They kept my kids and pets safe and fed and finished the unpacking.

Dad and Martin did a little garden work, removing the broken paver and laying out some old fence

posts along the fence where the next door neighbor's dog was digging through.

Week one, I hobbled to the letterbox and met next door's landlord,

who my partner has nicknamed the bucket woman.

The bucket woman.

Bucket woman immediately told me to bring in my bins by 9 a.m.

Because it made the street look messy.

How dare you defile my streets?

A bucket woman would say,

...