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Guaranteed Human. Entitled dad demands we pay for his food. What he did next was unforgivable. Instead of eating the food, he ate my butt. Then he asked for dessert. Well, we won't tell you what kind. I won't tell him, Riley. That's why you can't sign me. Extra cream. All right, that's it. I promise, Riley. That's all.

Extra drizzle. Extra glaze. Delish. Glace. I forgot. Oh, thanks for reminding me.

Thought you were out of the woods, kid. We're dragging your back. Dragging that little sphincter deep into the pines.

Gonna bury in the ground.

Booty up.

Wild bears will come patrol and eat out your ass because it'll be the only thing

that will be exposed to the elements.

That is descriptive.

All right, boys.

Let's read the story.

This mostly involves me, 33 non-binary.

My wife, 36 female, a former friend of mine, Aaron, 43 female, and his son. Ethan. There's so much tea in that already, like a former friend. Dude. We're already getting tea and it's the first sentence. It's about to go down. These are set across a six or seven year period, and I have way way too many but consider this the greatest hits.

Shortly after my mom kicked me out at the age of 17, the day after Christmas, don't worry,

she'll have her own post eventually. After crashing with my best friend's family, I moved into my

first place. It was an absolute slum but was only $200 a month. Utilities included. I mean, how much of a slum we talk in? Like, are we talking like a literal slum? Dude. I wasn't there very long, but in that time, I had a couple of roommates, but eventually my girlfriend, now wife, moved in. Congrats, O.P. By chance, we met an old friend of mine who had moved away at the grocery. We catch up and after a few pretty solid days of hanging out, he introduces us to his friend group. One of these people is Aaron. Aaron was a decade older than us, but he was a big gamer, love Dungeons and Dragons, comics, fantasy novel, Star Wars, anime. A decade older. Dude, that's probably what Jack

feels about us. It's like, oh, yeah, I have these friends that are decade older than me, but they're

pretty cool. We have this friend who's like a YouTuber and he's like 19, super, super smart, but

we're just ancient, dude. Ancient. We're ancient compared to him. We have to accept our place

in the circle of life as deceased at this point. Yep. And're ancient compared to him. We have to accept our place in the circle of life as

deceased at this point. Yep. And Aaron was basically the older brother of that friend group who were a

bunch of 20-something nerds. My wife and I hit it off with him really well. Despite my description of him,

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