Well, the strange thing about the hilarious satirical opening you're about to hear is that

because of time constraints, I had to write it before the votes even started to come in

yesterday.

For all I know, I could be reading this when you're so crushed by despair.

You're actually hanging from the rafters in your attic, your black and face staring

emptily into the middle distance while your body twists slowly to the mournful rhythm

of the creaking rope.

You tied around your neck in the realization that every possible good thing that was

ever going to happen to you had already happened and there was nothing to look forward to,

but the sweet embrace of mother death.

And which case may not find the satire as funny as I hoped you would.

On the other hand, maybe the news was good and you're now hiding under your bed as followers

of the party of love and tolerance, burn your city to the ground, destroying your neighborhood,

your business and your dreams, leaving you with nothing.

But the empty satisfaction of knowing that your candidate will have four more years in

office while your life slowly sinks into ruins until you finally tie a rope around your

neck in the realization that there's nothing to look forward to, but the sweet embrace

of mother death.

In which case you should be in a great mood and we can laugh and laugh together right

up until the moment, you know, you hang yourself.

But whatever the outcome of the election is or was or may it be, I'm sure we can all find

some peace and satisfaction knowing that God is in charge of history, or at least He

...