The New York Times, a former newspaper, has begun an investigation into why its latest

anti-Trump bombshell exploded in house, blowing several editors sky high, after which they plummeted

downward with a strangely hilarious whistling sound, past eye-level with ridiculously blackened

faces, setting expressions of comical dismay, and then smashed into the ground at high speed,

where they were transformed into flat, circular, editor bodies,

waddling around on absurdly stumpy legs. In a statement released by Times, bombshell

coordinator Wiley Coyote, the newspaper said, quote, we can't understand it. We ordered the bombshell

directly from the Acme anti-Trump bombshell company with whom we've been doing business for years.

Acme sent us the Russian collusion bombshell, which we planted in front of the Trump train,

just before the train came out of a previously non-existent tunnel and ran us over.

Acme also supplied the impeachment bombshell, which we dropped on Trump from a height,

only to have the president pass beneath it unharmed, after which we went down to investigate,

and were crushed under the falling bombshell ourselves. Then, of course, Acme sent us the Michael

Avonotti stormy Daniels bombshell, which we're sure will blow up Trump's campaign, as soon as

Mr. Avonotti gets out of prison. We are completely baffled about what went wrong this time, unquote.

The latest Times bombshell from the Acme company was a study of Trump's tax returns,

which contained the explosive information that Trump pays the smallest amount of taxes legally

possible, just like every single other human being everywhere forever. The Times announced this

with headlines in typeface so large that the headline didn't fit on the page and will not be

completed until late October, about the same time Amy Coney Barrett is confirmed as the third

Justice Trump has appointed to the Supreme Court. Times editor-in-chief, Blithering Prevarication

the third, announced the former paper will deliver more Acme bombshells as election day nears.

...